


Cuts and Ropes

by GoToHeck



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Acephobia, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Btw every Alastor I write is sex repulsed because self projection, Depressed Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Eating Disorders, Established Relationship, Fluff, Husk and Alastor friendship, I blame the radiodust discord, Internalized Acephobia, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Poor Alastor, Self-Harm, Starvation, Suicidal Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Suicide Attempt, probably should have added that tag earlier, suicide baiting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21739810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoToHeck/pseuds/GoToHeck
Summary: Everyone has been finding out things about Alastor, for better and for worse.(Warning: This fanfiction has some heavy self harm and suicidal thoughts. Do not read if you get triggered by that kind of stuff.)
Relationships: (The ships other than Radiodust are more on the side), Alastor & Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor/Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Arackniss/Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Charlie Magne/Vaggie
Comments: 58
Kudos: 579





	1. All things holy

**Author's Note:**

> I blame the radiodust discord. Bye.

There was a common misconception with holy weapons that they were only knives and guns and all that shit, but most demons knew better. Sometimes the holy weapons came in the form of scissors, or plain everyday objects. It was easier to disguise them that way, to attack unsuspecting demons the day of the extermination.

Of course, demons collected the holy weapons for different reasons. Some to slaughter each other, some to sell, others wanted them as trophies. A certain radio deer demon had… Different things in mind when collecting his own holy weapons.

Ahem… Anyway.

A yawn escaped the deer demon as he awoke from his seemingly endless slumber. Alastor shifted around in his bed. One perk about helping out at this hotel was that his room was comfortable and personalized.

Alastor sat up and stretched. He decided he should probably get ready for the day. Alastor took a shower, dried off, brushed his hair, and got on his clothes, making sure to cover his  _ injuries. _

He adjusted himself before stepping out of his room, making sure to put on his large smile. Maybe he should see if breakfast is being made. Niffty was always on top of that, and it seems like about the time she would begin preparing. 

Suddenly, Alastors vision went dark as he froze and felt a pair of hands cover his eyes. “Guess who?” The familiar voice said.

Ah, it was just his boyfriend, Angel Dust.

Alastor removed Angels hands from over his eyes as he turned to face his lover. “Ah Angel! What a lovely surprise to see you first thing in the morning!” Alastor exclaimed.

A smile crept onto Angels face, “I’m glad to see ya too, smiles.” The spider demon said with a kiss on the cheek proceeding. “Now come on, breakfast is almost ready.” 

Alastor nodded, “Lovely! I am quite starved at the moment!” He grabbed his boyfriends hand and began to head to the kitchen for some breakfast. Charlie, Vaggie, a half asleep Husk, and of course, Niffty.

“There you guys are!” Niffty exclaimed. “I was afraid I was going to have to get you.” 

“Sorry, I was just fetching my boyfriend~” He moved closer to Alastor, clutching his hand tighter.

“Gross.” Husk said.

“Don’t hate ‘cause you’re single, Kitty.” Angel teased. Alastor sighed and took a seat and Angel took one right next to him. Niffty passed out the cups to everyone at the table, and grabbed a container full of water. Quickly moving around as fast as her tiny legs could go.

“Here you g- AHHH!” Niffty yelled as she tripped over her own feet, and all of the water spilled onto Alastor.

Niffty quickly stands up. “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to!” Alastor looked pretty pissed because he just got a shit ton of water spilled, but he sighs. “It’s all right, Niffty darling.” 

Angel saw this as an opportunity to help his boyfriend. “Here, let me get that coat off of ya, Al.” Angel said as he started to take Al’s coat off before Alastor could even say something about it.

Alastor froze, he realized what Angel was about to discover so he needed to push him away befo-

It was too late. Angel took off his coat.

“There we go and-“ Angel froze up. He felt like his entire body just went numb. He looked at his boyfriend up and down. 

There was a rope burn on his neck, and several cuts on his arms. Angel would love to say that it was someone else who did it to him, but he’s not a fucking idiot. Those were obviously self inflicted.

“What the fuck… What the fuck!?” Angel Dust yelled. That alarmed the others who came to get a closer look. 

“Angel, what’s going-“ Charlie began but stopped once she saw Alastor. 

Vaggie put her hand over her mouth. She couldn’t believe her eyes. No one could. Speaking of eyes, tears were developing in Angel’s. 

Husk held his head low, mumbling something to himself, while Niffty seemed more confused than anything else.

“Alastor, why…” Angel said. “ Why!” He yelled, tears beginning to pour.

“I-“ Alastor began. He remembered something that happened way before he had began helping with the hotel...

_ Alastor sighed as he began to prepare the holy rope he collected just for this moment. He was wearing gloves to not burn himself ahead of time. “This is it…” Alastor whispered to himself.  _

_ He had scoped the place he was in out a few months ago. It was abandoned and broken, but it would serve some use yet. There was a hook at the very top of the room, which didn’t take much effort to get up to with the stool he brought for this occasion. _

_ He tied the holy rope into a noose. He breathed in and out as he knew what to do next. _

_ Alastor stuck his head in the noose. Oh god it already burned, but he tightened it and kicked the stool out from under him. There was no going back. _

_ It burned, oh god did it burn. But that was the idea. He deserved this after all.  _

_ Alastor let out a groan of pain. He wondered how hell would react to his suicide. To think that one of the most powerful demons to manifest in hell and tormented others for ages, ended up killing himself. It was quite funny, really. He was a serial killer, so of course the last person he’d kill was himself.  _

_ His vision was starting to become blurry. Any minute now and it will all be over. Any- _

_ Alastor let out a blood curdling scream as shadows and magic surrounded him. He saw so many things at once, he could swear he was hallucinating before he died, well, again. Sharp things dashing through the air. He was about to take his final breath when… _

_ He fell. _

_ He landed on the ground wondering ‘What the fuck just happened?’ And he grabbed at the noose that was previously holding him up. _

_ Except there was no noose anymore, just shreds of the holy rope remained. It seemed like his powers activated as a last ditch effort to survive. He rubbed his neck, oh god did it hurt like hell, well, he was in hell so that made sense. _

_ Great, his body wanted him to survive when he didn’t. Alastor sighed as he took off his gloves. “It seems to be dinner time.” Alastor said, leaving the scene of his failed suicide attempt. _

“It’s truly not that big of a deal.” Alastor tried to assure them. 

“Not that big of a deal!?” Angel yelled. “Al, you fucking-“ Angel took a deep breath. “I cannot believe you’d think it’s not that big of a deal!” Tears were just raining down Angel’s face.

“Angel I-“ Alastor stopped. He didn’t know what to say. 

So he just disappeared. Leaving his boyfriend and fellow staff to ponder what just happened. 

“That fucking idiot…” Husk said. “I’m getting some fuckin’ booze.” As Husk said that, he left to go to his bar.

“Husk!” Vaggie yelled, but no answer. Vaggie turned to Angel Dust, Who was a sobbing mess on the floor. “Angel are you o-“ Vaggie was interrupted by Angel screaming, “NO! I am not okay!” 

“How did Alastor get so hurt?” Niffty said. “Did someone attack him?” 

“Oh Niffty. Maybe we should-“ Charlie was interrupted by, you guessed it, Angel Dust.

“He hurt his fuckin’ self, Niffty! He cut and hurt himself! Is that what you wanted to hear. Is that what would make you oh so happy to know!?” Angel snapped.

“Angel!” Vaggie yelled. “I get you’re upset, I would be too, but don’t take your anger out on Niffty!”

“What…. Why would he…?” Niffty said quietly before leaving the room.

“Great job, Angel. Ugh.” Vaggie said. Charlie spoke up, “Angel, why don’t you see if he’s in his room and talk to him? You are his boyfriend after all. And also apologize to Niffty when you get the chance, I mean it.”

Angel Dust sniffled as he got up. “Alright. I’ll go do that.

And so Angel Dust headed to Alastor’s room. What would he even say? You know what, he should just focus on what’s in front of him right now. This door.

Angel knocked. “Al?” No response. “Al come on! It’s Angel Dust, ya know, your boyfriend!” Angel began to think of the worst. What if he…

‘Think positive Angel!’ He thought to himself. Angel tried twisting the doorknob.

Unlocked?

“Sorry for invading, but Alastor, you in here?” Angel asked

Angel Dust then saw a scene in front of him he will never forget.

  
  



	2. Helping is the best medicine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel Dust walks in Alastor’s room and sadness ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeet. I got it done. Enjoy.

Alastor knew he should’ve stayed. He knew he should have talked it out with everyone. But here he was, hiding from his actions in his room. He might have been able to face them and talk his way out of it, really putting that might in bold, though. No, no, no he left because, well.

He felt so fucking guilty for making his boyfriend cry.

Al wanted to comfort his boyfriend in that moment, wanted to tell him it was  _ fine.  _ But he just couldn’t. The guilt had overtaken him at the moment. 

Most demons would laugh if they had seen what went down in the kitchen. Alastor, the radio demon, one of the most powerful beings in hell, was suicidal. He felt ashamed.

Alastor couldn’t help but let the tears pour out. Soft sobs escaping his lips. His deer ears were pointing down, something that hardly happened. He covered himself with his blankets while continuing to cry.

He was pathetic, really. He didn’t deserve to be working at this hotel, he didn’t deserve his amazing boyfriend known as Angel.

He did deserve to be dead, though. Well, a second time. 

Alastor choked out a heavy sob. God he felt fucking  _ terrible _ . He knew what to do next.

Alastor got up and searched under his bed for a few seconds before grabbing a holy knife from under it. He sat back on his bed. Examining his arms.

They were littered with messy, silver cuts. All self inflicted. If a holy weapon doesn’t leave a fatal wound, when it heals it leaves behind silver scars. It’s one of the unique things about holy weapons. Alastor has gotten used to seeing silver scars by now, though.

Alastor made a thin line in his arm with the knife. Blood immediately started coming out. He made a thicker cut this time. 

The deer demon grunted, it  _ stings _ . But that was the point. He made another cut on his arm. And he made another, and another, and another, and oh god did it burn and hurt-

He heard a knock at the door. He ignored it. “Al?” The voice from the other side of the door said. 

It was Angel. But he just ignored it and kept cutting. 

Angel knocked again. Alastor kept cutting. “Al come on! It’s Angel Dust, ya know, your boyfriend!” Angel yelled. Alastor kept cutting. Alastor suddenly heard the door open. 

In his whole feeling bad about himself thing, he forgot to lock the fucking door.

“Sorry for invading, but Alastor, you in here?” Angel asked. Angel froze at the sight in front of him. His boyfriend was cutting himself right then and there.

Angel’s first instinct after coming back to his senses was to fucking  _ pounce  _ on Alastor and to grab the holy knife out of his hands, which he did. 

Angel would have probably burnt his hands just now from the reckless way he handled the knives if he wasn’t wearing his gloves right now. 

Alastor began “Angel! Be more care-“ but was interrupted by Angel throwing the knife onto the floor and immediately hugging him. 

“You could’ve at least answered the door. I got so fuckin’ scared for a second there.” Angel told his boyfriend.

Alastor took a few moments to process the hug, but reciprocated it, hugging Angel tightly. Blood was still running down Alastors arms, but Angel didn’t care. He was just glad Alastor was here.

The hug seemed to last until the end of time, but all good things must come to an end. They released from the hug. Angel’s eyes moved to Alastor’s bloodied arms.

“Stay here. I’m going to get some bandages for that.” Alastor nodded. Angel turned to leave, but before he did, he grabbed the knife off of the floor. “Also, I’m taking this.” Angel said before leaving.

Alastor wasn’t really surprised by that last bit, he sighed as he waited for his boyfriend to return. Why had he let himself be so vulnerable today? It didn’t make sense. 

A few minutes later Angel returned with some napkins and bandages. He placed them down next to Alastor, before getting on the bed himself.

“I’m gonna clean ya arms, ‘kay Al?” Angel said. Alastor nodded and held out his arms. Angel Dust grabbed the napkins and started cleaning the arms of his boyfriend.

No one said anything as this was happening. It just did. It felt like forever before Angel was finally able to apply the bandages. 

Alastor really didn’t deserve Angel. He was willing to take care of him. Cleaning up something he did to himself. 

“That should be good for now.” Angel said as he looked at his  _ deer  _ boyfriend. “You know I love ya, Al.” 

“I love you too.” Alastor replied. “Listen, Angel. I’m sorry I ran away from you after you got upset… Reasonably upset.” Alastor sighed.

“Al, that’s the  **least** of my concerns right now.” He looked down at his boyfriends now bandaged arms.

Alastor chuckled. “I never understood why you even liked me in the first place.” Angel frowned, while Alastor’s face was quite the opposite. Always wearing that forced smile, even when they’re alone together.

“Hun, do you remember what I said when I confessed my love to you when you asked for a reason?” Angel said.

_ “You are what?” Alastor asked, thinking his fluffy ears were playing tricks on him.  _

_ “In love with ya.” Angel said. “I love you, Al.” Alastor tilted his head. _

_ “You know I’m asexual and sex repulsed, and that doesn’t bother you as an extremely sexual person yourself?” Alastor said. _

_ “I mean, yeah I love to fuck, I made an entire living off of it before. But c’mon, you’re waaaay better.” Angel told Alastor.  _

_ “I see, but…” Alastor paused, “Why are you in love with me?” _

_ “Why?” Angel asked, “Maybe cause I’ve got to see  _ _ you. _ _ The way you get passionate about things, the cute way you talk, how fucking badass you are, adorable deer attributes…” Angel tries to touch one of Alastor’s ears, but was met with Al swiftly moving to the side, avoiding him. _

_ “And because of who you are, Al. I think that’s the most important part of love in any case, I love you, for  _ _ you. _ _ ” Angel said. _

_ Alastor was obviously blushing. That almost got a chuckle out of Angel. He made the dangerous radio demon flustered. He kept quiet though, because he may be a fool in love, but he still has survival instincts. _

_ Alastor cleared out his voice, “Well, you’d be happy to know I’m in love with you as well, Angel.”  _

Alastor could safely say that was the best moment of his time here in hell. The day he started dating Angel. 

“Of course I do. How could I forget?” Alastor said.

Angel Dust smiled and said, “Well nothing has changed. I still love you, and I still love you for  _ you _ .” Angel said.

Alastor moved closer and grabbed hold of Angel Dust tight. “Thank you, dear.” Closing his eyes, just embracing the feeling of his lover.

Angel chuckled and smiled. He naturally reciprocated the hug. “No problem.” 

The hug was peaceful and felt like it would last forever. It was what they both needed right now. But something in the back of their minds, told them that things wouldn’t be this nice soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it. Now stay tuned~


	3. A drunk deer spills his emotions in a bar...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Husk gets Alastor drunk, looking for answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I poured my blood, sweat, and tears in this. Enjoy.

Alastor wasn’t prepared for dinner tonight. 

The radio demon knew he was going to have to face everyone again eventually, it was just easier with Angel. 

Angel had been extremely supportive and patient with him this entire time. Even though Al was not willing to talk much about it with him. Alastor wasn’t ready to dump a bunch of repressed feelings out.

Alastor sighed as he got on his now dry coat that Angel had retrieved for him. None of this should have happened to begin with, but if he was being honest, it was only a matter of time before everyone found out about his suicidal tendencies. 

He straightened his bow as he got ready to go out into the world. He should be able to deal with talking to some people, he was Alastor, the radio demon.

Alastor breathed in and out before he left his room and headed downstairs. 

It would be fine, it was just dinner. He had dinner at the hotel everyday. Except this time they know about his self harm.

Focus, Alastor. Just get some dinner. He could easily just hide in his room, but he couldn’t do that forever, so might as well go out now. Besides, he didn’t even get his breakfast, just water spilled on him. So he was pretty hungry.

Alastor finally got to the kitchen. He sighed as he opened the door. Only Charlie, Niffty, and Angel were there right now. Angel seemed happy when he saw Al, while Charlie and Niffty seemed surprised.

“Oh, hey Al.” Charlie said awkwardly, he didn’t exactly blame her though.

“Hello Charlie, will Vaggie and Husk be joining us soon?” Alastor asked before taking a seat next to his boyfriend.

“Vaggie is just trying to get Husk to come right now.” Charlie said. “He hasn’t really moved much since this morning after what happened.” Charlie’s eyes moved towards.

Suddenly Vaggie and Husk came through the door. Vaggie was pulling Husk, who looked like a mess, along. Both of them seemed surprised when they saw Al.

“Oh, I didn’t know if you were going to come to dinner…” Vaggie said.

“Trust me darling, I didn’t either!” Alastor said before laughing.

Vaggie and Husk sat down as Niffty put down the container of water on the table. “I was going to pour the water myself, but I don’t want to spill water on someone again, and I’m still really sorry Alastor!” Niffty exclaimed.

“Like I said, it’s fine Niffty!” Alastor said to the smaller demon. Niffty smiled as she dished out dinner for everyone before sitting down herself. 

“Hey Al, are you okay?” Charlie suddenly said. ‘Well, no’ Alastor thought, but he wasn’t going to say that out loud. 

“I’m just peachy, my dear!” Alastor lied., “We both know that’s a-“ Charlie sighed, “Nevermind…”

Dinner wasn’t… Completely awful. What happened at breakfast wasn’t mentioned all too much, maybe they thought they wouldn’t get a real answer or something, or were worried about chasing him off.

Alastor was about to go upstairs after dinner finished, but was stopped by a familiar feline. Husk had two bottles of booze in his hands and offered one to Alastor. “You. Me. Talk. Now.” Husk said grumpily.

The deer demon took the bottle of booze with a face of confusion. “Are you feeling alright, my old friend?” Alastor asked.

“I’m not your friend, now come to the bar with me. Now.” Husk demanded. Alastor joined him, still bearing that large, fake smile.

Alastor and Husk sat down at the bar. Husk opened his booze immediately and took a sip, and raised an eyebrow at Alastor. “Are you going to open yours.”

Alastor looked down at the bottle in his hands. Fuck it, why not? He needed this. Alastor opened the bottle and took a swig. Wow, strong stuff.

Husk took another sip before saying, “Y’know I’ve gotta admit, I wasn’t sure how well you and Angel would mix, but you seem to care for each other, so I’ll give you that.”

Alastor nodded before saying, “Well, I have never felt this way about anyone before, so this relationship stuff is new to me. But like you said, I do care for and love Angel a lot, so I’m willing to try this.” He took a sip of his bottle of his booze.

“Ugh. Just don’t go all goo-goo eyes in front of me…” Husk added. Alastor laughed at that, “I wouldn’t dare.” The deer demon said.

After a while, several bottles of booze, and lots and lots of talking. It was safe to say Alastor was fucking drunk.

“He’s just….. Soooo pretty and fluffy, Husk…. I- I love him.” Alastor told the feline. 

Husk sighed, “Hey Alastor, can I ask you about some shit?” The drunk deer nodded. Husk rubbed his neck, he just hoped this would actually get some answers from him... 

“Why do you... Y’know, want to kill yourself?” Husk asked.

Alastor’s ears flopped. But he sighed and said, “It’s hard… And I… Can’t get happy.” Alastor admitted.

Husk frowned, “What’s hard?” He asked. Husk grunted knowing if Angel was here, he would definitely make a sexual joke here.

Alastor made a motion with his hand. “Y’know…. L-life. Or well, life after death.” He snorted.

“Do you…. Hurt yourself often?” Husk asked.

Alastor nodded, although it seemed more like bobbing then nodding.

“When was the last time you uh, hurt yourself?” Husk asked. 

Alastor sighed. “After breakfast.” His smile started to deteriorate. That was something Husk didn’t know was possible. “Angel walked i-in and stopped me.” The slur of his voice was very noticeable.

“Fuck.” Husk said. “When did you get the uh… Rope burn on your neck?” 

“Loooong before I started helping here. It wasn’t that long after I met you and Niffty, though…” Alastor said. 

Husk clenched his fists…. Paws? It didn’t matter. “Do you only cut on your arms?” Husk asked. God, he was starting to feel like a therapist. 

“No…” Alastor said. “I c-cut on my le-legs sometimes too… Sorry Husker.” 

“Don’t-“ Husk paused. “I mean… You don’t need to apologize. I just wanna help you right now, as crazy as that sounds.” The cat demon sighed.

“Awwww. Are we friiiiends?” Alastor laughed. 

Husk rolled his eyes. ‘Whatever helps you sleep at night.’ He thought.

Alastor looked down. “I wanna be happy… I want to stop feeling bad…” 

Husk frowned. He should do something. So…

He hugged Alastor.

Alastor normally doesn’t like touch, Husk never understood why. He was pretty sure the only person he let touch him was Angel, for obvious reasons. But it seemed like drunk Alastor was fine with touch, as Alastor quickly hugged back.

“We’ll help you through this, I swear we will.” Husk told him.

“Thanksss Husk…” Alastor said. 

The hug lasted a long time, actually so long that Husk was starting to wonder what was up. Not long after he realized Alastor fell asleep on top of him.

“Dumbass…” Husk mumbled to himself. 

So Husk had to pick the dumbass up, carry him all the way to his thankfully unlocked room, put him on his bed, and leave. 

After everything that happened tonight, Husk deserved some more drinks.

He went back down, only to see Charlie and Vaggie talking, not to mention holding hands. Ugh, it’s like everyone in this hotel has been infested with love.

“Oh, hi Husk!” Charlie exclaimed. Husk grumbled in response. “Hey…” Was all that came out. 

“Did something happen?” Vaggie ask.

Husk sighed, “So you know how people are more honest when they’re drunk?” Charlie and Vaggie nodded.

“So I got Al drunk to try to find out some more stuff about him and his suicidal thoughts, and yeah, he was depressing as shit. Now piss off, I need a drink.” Husk said as he went to the bar again.

Charlie and Vaggie just watched Husk go towards the bar, not another peep came out of them. But they couldn’t help but wonder what the two had talked about...


	4. Hunger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel notices something else about Alastor...

When you lack motivation and are having a hangover, mornings aren’t good.

Now, some days he doesn’t have a problem getting up. This was not one of those days. No motivation and a killer headache. 

Alastor winced as he grabbed his head. He shouldn’t have drank that much alcohol last night. And to make things even worse is that he doesn’t even remember much about it. God he better not have said some stupid shit.

Al makes no attempt at getting up, he just lays there, holding his throbbing head. Alastor doesn’t even know what time it is, and frankly, he doesn’t care.

Alastor just lays there for  _ lord knows how long _ before he hears a knock. “Hey hun, breakfast is ready!” Alastor just grumbles in response.

“You want your breakfast to go cold?” Angel chuckled. Alastor shifted in his bed.

Angel opened the door. ‘ _ Why the fuck is that thing never locked?’  _ Alastor thought. 

“Are you planning on staying in bed all day?” Angel joked. “Yes...” Alastor responds.

Angel frowns and sits on Al’s bed. “Everything okay?” He asks.

“I’m just lacking motivation this morning…” Alastor sighed. “I don’t feel like moving an inch, not to mention my head is killing me.”

“I’ve heard that’s usually a depression thing. The lack of motivation, I mean.” Angel mentioned. Alastor sighed, “I suppose it is…” 

“If you really aren’t feeling up to it, I can just tell the others to save you some.” Angel said. 

“That would be appreciated, thanks.” Alastor said. 

“No problem, Al.” Angel Dust said as he went to leave. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Alastor replied. Angel shut the door and went back to breakfast. An eyebrow was raised at him by Vaggie when she saw him Alastor-less.

“Where’s Alastor?” Vaggie asked. 

“In bed. He doesn’t have the motivation to get up right now...” Angel sighed. “Also, he says to save him breakfast.”

“Poor Al…” Charlie said. She never thought that was something she’d have to say. 

“Do you think we could get him a therapist or something?” Niffty suggested. 

“Unlikely.” Husk said. “I don’t think anyone would be willing to help, and even if they were, I don’t think he would agree to it.” 

“Yeah…” Niffty sighed. She finally sat down after she finished dishing everyone up.

After they finished up and Angel had put Al’s breakfast in the fridge for later, Angel decided to go back to Alastor’s room to check on him.

Angel knocked on his boyfriend's door, which was responded to by with an audible groan. 

“Can I come in?” Angel asked as if he didn’t just let himself in earlier. “Yeah…” Alastor said.

The spider demon entered Alastor’s room. Alastor hasn’t seemed to have moved at all. Angel wished he could say he was surprised.

Angel Dust knew he had to be patient with his boyfriend. Alastor was depressed, and Angel knew he had to help him. It felt weird when he put it like that. Angel had never felt love for someone this strongly before, and Angel would be damned if he didn’t help the one he loves most.

Angel sat on Alastor’s bed right next to Alastor. Al grabs one of Angel’s hands, still not really moving much though. 

“I love you, Angel.” Alastor said. Angel smiled, “I love ya too, you sappy shit.”

“Well I’m sorry you’re the best man down here.” Alastor said. Angel got closer to Alastor and kissed him on his forehead. “Still super sappy.”

Angel got up and close and began to cuddle his lovely boyfriend. Alastor just rolled his eyes and let it happen.

The spider had noticed something for a while, but he didn’t think feel like bringing it up, but eh, why not.

“Have ya always been this thin, Al? Seriously, it feels like if I squeeze ya hard enough you’ll break in half.” Angel mentioned.

“I don’t know if I should take that as a complement or no…” Alastor said.

“Is this even healthy?” Angel asked. Alastor stayed silent. “Al?” Angel said again.

“Is it really that important?” Alastor asked.

“Of course it is!” Angel replied. “It’s important for ya to be healthy.” 

“I’m pretty sure healthy isn’t a word that would ever be used to describe me, Angel.” Alastor laughed.

Angel sighed, “That’s something I plan on helping to change...” He mumbled. 

“Well, I’m fine, darling. Trust me.” Alastor told his boyfriend.

“There are several words I’d use to describe you Al. Smart, handsome, powerful. Fine is not one of them, especially after the past day.” Angel said. Alastor just sighed and frowned, something he only did around Angel. He didn’t want to admit his boyfriend was right...

Angel put a hand on Alastor’s lap. “Just talk to me, Al. I’ve heard enough about you hurting that I’m pretty sure I can handle a little more.”

“I… Don’t deserve food.” Alastor said. The depressed deer demon crawled under his covers. Angel just frowned 

“Al, of course you fuckin’ deserve food.” Angel frowned. Alastor just sighed as he pulled the covers, that he was already under mind you, closer to himself.

Thinking on it now, Al sometimes skipped meals altogether, didn’t eat much, or came up with an excuse to leave during the meals. Fuck, how had he not noticed?

“I’ve gotten used to my stomach being empty. I think at times I think of it as a way to self harm instead of cutting or burning, and well, yeah it is. That just wasn’t the idea originally, and there is more behind it than just wanting to hurt myself, as I told you. I mainly just don’t think I deserve food.” Alastor told Angel, slowly getting out of the covers.

Angel froze, unsure of what to say. Alastor felling him this just…. Broke his heart. This whole situation they found themselves in broke his heart. Angel wasn’t even sure if Alastor was planning on eating the food he put in the fridge for him, probably not. His boyfriend was depressed and suicidal, and now he just found out he had been starving himself. Fan fucking-tastic.

Angel just hugged his boyfriend after snapping out of his heartbreak. He refused to let Alastor go, just wanting to be by his side until the entirety of hell collapses.

“Please just… Try to eat more, okay?” Angel said. “Or else I’ll force ya too.” 

Alastor sighed, “Angel it’s just… Really hard for me to eat food with the way my mental health is right now.”

Angel pulled away from the hug, “That’s fine. But just so ya know, I’ll be here with ya every step of the way. I want to help you because I love you.” Angel said.

A small smile crept onto Alastor’s face. He really didn’t deserve Angel, did he? 

“Thank you darling… I love you too.” Alastor said before kissing his wonderful boyfriend, Angel.

  
  
  



	5. Exposed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vox decides to have a little fun with Alastor’s reputation.

It’s been about a month since the hazbins found out that Alastor was depressed, suicidal, and was starving himself. Not fun things to know. But it did seem like Alastor was getting a little better.

He seemed happier, he was eating a little more, he seemed to have slightly more energy than normal,  _ he got a new fucking lock because he only recently found out that the old one he had was broken. _ The hazbins noticed, of course. And it made them feel happy, especially Husk and Angel, though Husk may deny it.

Anyway, things were doing better. Al hadn’t self harmed through that entire month, so they saw that as a win. 

Now, all Alastor needed to do was pick up some supplies for the hotel. He just said it was because he needed a well functioning place for entertainment, as it totally wasn’t obvious he cared for each and every one of them and not just Angel. Nope, not at all.

Anyway, he should start hustling. He doesn’t want to spend all day just getting some supplies, now does he?

He just needs some boards, nails, some plates and silverware, basic shit like that. Nothing Alastor couldn’t handle. 

It could be a little hard to get some of that stuff in hell, but it’s still possible, especially with his status among hell that wasn’t going away anytime soon.

Alastor came upon a little shop on a destroyed side of town. It seemed that it and only a few other buildings were still intact in that area, everything else was either obliterated or partly destroyed. Unsurprising, due to the fact they were in hell.

Well, this was the shop he was looking for. Alastor went in, except he didn’t. Because on his way in he bumped into someone. Alastor looked up at the person he bumped into.

It was Vox.

Now Alastor could safely say he didn’t really like Vox and Vox didn’t like him. They didn’t really get along with anything when they interacted in the past. 

“Well if it isn’t my  _ favorite  _ demon.” Vox said sarcastically.

“Ah, it’s always such a  _ pleasure  _ to see you, Vox.” Alastor replied.

“So how’s that little whore working out for you? You receive plenty of blowjobs?” Vox asked with a smug look on his face.

“First of all, don’t call my boyfriend that. And second of all, I’m very much asexual.” Alastor said, “-and sex repulsed.”

Vox laughed, “How the fuck does that even work? A whore and an asexual? That’s not going to last.”

“What did I just say about calling my boyfriend that?” Alastor questioned with an angry tone.

“Come on, you know it’s true.” Vox said. “You’re dating a-“

Vox ripped off Alastor’s jacket. Alastor froze.

“-Whore!” Vox laughed, but froze as well when he saw Alastor’s arms.

“Holy shit.” Vox said in awe, but then he started laughing, “Holy shit! I just took your jacket off to be annoying, but now… This is just hilarious. How would people react if they found out the radio demon, fucking  _ cuts  _ himself.” 

Alastor sprung into action, ripping his coat out of Vox’s hands, putting it on, and getting the fuck out of there. The hotel could wait a little longer. This was big.

Alastor ran the whole way back to the hotel. When he finally got back he took a moment to catch his breath before going inside.

Only Husk was in the main area of the hotel, who was at the bar as usual. Husk turned to look at him.

“Are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost.” Husk asked.

“Just fine! I need to go now.” And he just left Husk wondering what that was. 

Alastor went to Angel’s room and knocked. “Angel!” Alastor called out. Luckily, Angel was in his room and opened the door for him. 

“Al, what’s wrong?” Angel Dust questioned.

“Vox  _ knows _ .” Alastor said.

“That TV motherfucker? He knows what?” Angel asked. 

“He ripped off my jacket and saw my… Scars.” Alastor said. Angel’s eyes widened as he ushered his boyfriend inside before closing and locking the door. 

“Was anyone else around?” Angel asked. Alastor shook his head no. “It was just me and Vox. No one else saw.”

Angel made a sigh of relief. “Well that’s good. If he tries to tell anyone he’ll have no witnesses to back him up, and there’s no way he could have collected evidence, right?”

Alastor nodded, “He had nothing out. No phone, camera, nothing.” 

“So that means no one else will be finding out.” Angel smiled.

The deer demon calmed down a little bit, “You’re right. Thanks Angel.” 

“You’re welcome hun, things are going to be fine.” Angel said before kissing Alastor.

But things were not fine. That was evident by the next morning.

In the lobby there were a few TV’s on the wall, they were pretty new. Alastor never really watched them, as he didn’t watch television, but he did listen in sometimes when things got interesting. In the mornings, they played 666 news. 

“I’m sorry dear, I meant to get those supplies. Things just… Came up.” Alastor said to Charlie. 

“It’s fine, Al. Do you think you can get it today, though?” Charlie asked.

“Absolutely!” Alastor exclaimed.

“That’s great, thanks!” Charlie said.

Currently all of the hazbins were in the lobby right now. Alastor and Charlie talking, Vaggie and Angel Dust just observing, Husk drinking, Niffty cleaning. There was also some of the other residents at the hotel just chilling. 

Something on the TV caught their attention. Katie Killjoy muttered words that caught everyone’s attention.

“-And now, we have some  _ juicy  _ info that the Television demon, Vox gave to us about the one and only radio demon!” Katie Killjoy said.

Alastor and Angel Dust turned to each other, all too knowingly about what this must be about. 

“It seems as though the radio demon… Is suicidal and cuts himself!” Was said by Katie Killjoy before showing a video on the screen of Alastor without his jacket on. 

_ “Holy shit.” _ Vox said in the video, before laughing.  _ “Holy shit! I just took your jacket off to be annoying, but now… This is just hilarious. How would people react if they found out the radio demon, fucking cuts himself.” _

Alastor remembered Vox saying those exact words to him. It seemed as though the video was taken through Vox’s point of view. Wait… Could he record through his screen?

The video ended after it showed Alastor grabbing his jacket back, putting it on, and running away.

“Well looks there goes the radio demon’s reign. I doubt anyone will take him seriously after this.” Katie Killjoy laughed, and so did Tom Trench.

“Anyway-“ The subject was changed in 666 news, and every single person in that room looked horrified of what was just shown.

Everyone began to look at Alastor as he just stood there, unsure of what to do. They were right… His reputation was now as good as gone because of Vox.

“Al… Are you okay?” Charlie asked.

“No. I’m pretty far from okay right now.” Alastor said. Alastor rushed to his room and locked the door, ears drooping and smile fading.

Of course he was able to gather evidence. Because he just  _ had  _ to have been able to record with his eyes. Sobs began to escape Alastor. He was going to be the laughing stock of hell. The only people that would ever take him seriously again was the other hazbins.

It had been, what… 15 minutes? Before he heard a knock on his door. 

“Hey Alastor!” A grumpy voice came from the other side. It was Husk.

Al sighed. “What?” He asked.

“Your idiot went after Vox.” Husk said.

“My idiot…?” Alastor wondered. He quickly put two and two together and he wiped the tears from his face. “Oh no, Angel!” 

“Yeah… He decided it was a good idea to fight him because he was pissed at what he did to you. I mean, we’re all pissed so we get it, but  _ still _ .” Husk said.

Alastor quickly opened the door, and Husk had to quickly dodge being hit by it. “Fuck! Be careful!” Husk yelled.

“Sorry! I just need to hurry!” Alastor said as he ran to the lobby and out of the door.

Now he just needed to deal with the tricky part. Finding Angel. Maybe he would find him at Vox’s television studio? Probably. So that’s where he headed. It wasn’t that far from here anyway…

Not long after, Alastor arrived in front of Vox’s studio and there Angel and Vox were arguing right in front of it. Vox noticed Alastor first and called out to him.

“Ah, Alastor my old friend! It seems as though you let your little pet here go loose!” Vox grinned. Alastor rolled his eyes as he approached the two.

Angel turned around to see Alastor approaching. “Al, what are you doing here?” 

“I came to get you.” Alastor said. “You and I both know that wasn’t a good idea.” 

“You really need to watch him more carefully. I’m really on a tight schedule.” Vox said. You know, I was planning on cutting you up a little for your little whore bugging me when I’m so busy, but then I realized you’re already doing a good job of that yourself!”

Alastor didn’t say anything, but Angel looked like he was ready to commit a murder. Actually, he already looked like that, just a little more so now.

“Aw, what’s wrong Al? Did I hurt your feelings?” Vox laughed. “C’mon, your reputation is already gone. You can let it out.” Vox got frustrated when Alastor said nothing.

“I don’t get why you don’t just get it out of the way and kill yourself, it would benefit everyone around you.” Vox said, “Plus it’s what you want, right? No one will judge you for it.” 

Angel tried to make a swing at Vox, because  _ holy shit he just told his boyfriend to kill himself _ , but Alastor grabbed his arm before he could land a hit. “Let’s go.” Alastor said. His voice sounded more… Depressed. Than normal. 

“Fine…” Angel and Alastor went to leave and Vox waved goodbye. But then…

Angel summoned his third pair of arms, along with a holy gun that he collected a while back, and turned around and fucking shot Vox in the face. It was nothing lethal, but it did create a massive crack in Vox’s screen.

“Alright, let’s run.” Angel said as Vox tried to go after them, but they immediately began to run after that, and Vox couldn’t keep up due to being injured and stopped to treat his… Crack?

Neither of them looked back, and Alastor couldn’t fucking believe his boyfriend just shot Vox. That screen had been unscathed for decades, and now it had a huge crack in it. Alastor knew Angel wasn’t going to get out of this one easily, shit.

They got back to the hotel as fast as they could. When they got inside, Alastor looked dead straight at Angel.

“What?” Angel looked at Alastor, raising and eyebrow.

“Angel, do you realize what Vox could have done to you!?” Alastor yelled.

“Yeah but I thought-“ Angel was stopped

“Angel, what you did back there-“ Alastor sighed, “He’s going to be out for  _ blood _ . And he’s going to make sure you _ suffer _ .” 

Angel frowned, “I just wanted to, ya know, get some revenge for ya Al.” 

Alastor sighed, “I get it. But you could end up hurt, and even worse, dead, because you shot him.” 

Alastor hugged Angel, “You don’t need to fight my battles, I can handle myself.”

“I know, I know.” Angel said. 

Alastor looked Angel dead in the eyes. “Please, just stay safe, okay? I’m just… Worried.” Alastor said.

Angel nodded, “Trust me, I can handle a television motherfucker.” 

Alastor chuckled, “I’m sure you can.”

Angel went in and kissed Alastor.

“Get a room.” Husk said from the bar. Oh right, they forgot he was there.

Angel rolled his eyes, “Shut up.” He said before kissing Alastor again.


	6. Heartfelt dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor and Angel have a dinner date in Angel’s room

Alastor was still recovering from his self harm being outed by Vox. Not a lovely thing to happen to you. 

Throughout the day, Alastor saw demons he didn’t even know just staring at him. That normally wasn’t out of the ordinary, but it was the faces they were making while staring which was out of the ordinary. Disgust, humor, and hell, even some looked at him with  _ pity.  _ Alastor, the fucking radio demon, was being pitied.

He hated every second of it. No one was taking him seriously. And all because of the demon known as Vox. Fuck, part of Alastor was glad Angel shot him, while the other part was worried for his boyfriend’s life.

Alastor skipped lunch that day, much to everyone’s dismay. He was so, so hungry, but he didn’t feel like eating. He didn’t feel like he deserved to eat after what happened.

He was currently just resting in his room. No smile, as no one was there for him to keep up appearances. Well, no one took him seriously anymore anyway, but it’s still nice to at least try. 

Alastor sighed as he got off of his bed and reached under it. His hand made contact with something and he pulled it out. It was one of his holy knives.

He contemplated his choices. He knew if the hazbins found out they would be upset, especially Angel, and Husk too.

There was no point in delaying it. Alastor knew he would just fall back into self harm anyways, it was inevitable. Hell, the only reason he was still here right now is because of Angel. He would have definitely killed himself by now otherwise.

Alastor pulled up his sleeve and breathed heavily. He slowly moved the knife closer to his arm until-

He heard a knock on the door, the holy knife inches away from his arm. 

He quickly slid the holy knife under his bed before going and answering the door. On the other side was his beloved boyfriend Angel Dust.

“Hey hun!” Angel exclaimed, “Mind if I come in?”

“Of course not, darling!” Alastor moved out of the way so his boyfriend could enter his room. 

“Alright, so it’s been a while since we’ve done anything romantic, right?” Angel said.

Alastor nodded, “That’s right, I do wish we were able to do more special things together just as a couple.” 

“So I’ve been thinking… Let’s go on a date!” Angel suggested. 

“You know what? Let’s do it, darling! I need something to distract me from everything going on, and what’s better than going on a date with the love of my life?” Alastor said.

“Great!” Angel exclaimed. “Meet me in my room in about 2 hours.” Angel said. 

“Alright! See you soon, my love~” Alastor said.

“See ya soon, hun.” Angel said as he walked out the door and closed it. 

Well, looks like Alastor has a date with his boyfriend. It’s been a while since they had one of those. 

Alastor should probably start at least planning some things. He turned to his closet. First order of business, picking an outfit.

About 2 hours later, Alastor knocked on Angel Dusts door. He was wearing a fancy red suit, while holding pink cleome’s, also commonly known as spider flowers.

The door opened and Alastor saw his lovely boyfriend. He was in a light pink vest that dipped down enough in the chest area that his chest fluff was still revealed, no surprise there. The vest was over top a white shirt with dark pink stripes. 

“Wow… You look really good, hun.” Angel complimented, “Is that new?” 

“Yup! I felt like wearing a new suit tonight, I got it a few months back, but I haven’t had the chance to wear it until today, although it is a little tight now.” Alastor said.

Angel chuckled, “That’s ‘cause you’re eating better.” That caused Alastor to blush a little bit. “ I really did miss you at lunch, though.” Angel sighed.

Alastor cleared his throat “Uhm, well you look lovely as well, dear!” Alastor exclaimed, holding out the spider flowers for Angel.

“Awww. Spider flowers?” Angel chuckled a little as he took them. 

“Of course, they’re for my favorite spider after all~” Alastor went up and kissed Angel on his cheek. 

Angel just laughed, “I’m the only spider you know.” 

“Exactly.” Alastor responded before kissing Angel on the lips.

“Alright, now why don’t ya come in my room before you spoil your dinner with kisses.” Angel laughed yet again.

Alastor nodded as Angel led him inside of his room. The lights were off and there was a small table with 2 chairs on each side set in the middle of the room. Candles on it and everything. There was spaghetti and meatballs set up along with what appears to be water. There seemed to be way more spaghetti on one plate then the other, that seemed like the plate Angel was going to want him to eat.

Angel rushed over and pulled out a chair for Alastor. And yup, Alastor was correct. The chair that had been pulled out had the larger plate of spaghetti in front of it. Alastor went and sat down in the chair and Angel went to sit in the other chair.

“Thank you for setting everything up for this date. You didn’t really need to do this.” Alastor said.

“Ah, it was nothing, smiles. Besides, I knew you needed this after everything that happened.” Angel replied.

“I truly do…” Alastor sighed. 

They sat in silence for a little bit before Angel spoke up, “Why don’t we dig in? I made ya extra ‘cause I figured you’d be extra hungry from skipping lunch…. And cause you need to still gain well… Several more pounds to be at a healthy weight.”

“Well, I suppose both of those things are true…” Alastor sighed as he began to eat. Angel smiled widely as he took his first bite. That was something Angel always did since he found out Alastor had been starving himself.

Alastor had a genuine smile as he ate. Damn, his boyfriend was an amazing cook. Not to mention he was really hungry after skipping lunch today. A month ago he might have refused this meal, saying he wasn’t hungry or something like that. Angel really had helped him for the better, and Alastor wasn’t even sure why he stuck with him through thick and thin.

“This is amazing, my love!” Alastor exclaimed, “Why did you never tell me you were such a good cook?” 

Angel chuckled, “I wanted to wait until I actually cooked for ya before I began bragging. But now that you’ve said it…”

Alastor laughed, “Don’t get too full of yourself now, Angel.” 

“Too late.” Angel replied. Alastor just laughed some more before continuing eating.

“In all seriousness, my mom would always teach me and my siblings how to cook. That’s how I got so good. My older brother was never really the best at it though.” Angel laughed.

“You should introduce me to your siblings some time, you have a twin sister too, right?” Alastor said.

Angel nodded, “Yeah but uh… Me and my older brother don’t really get along anymore. I’m sure my sis Molly would love to meet ya, though.” 

“Oh…. That’s unfortunate.” Alastor said. “But I still would love to meet your sister!” 

“Alright, I guess I’ll talk to her ‘bout meeting ya when I can, then.” Angel said.

Angel and Alastor talked about several different things while they were eating, like normal boyfriends do. When both of them finished, they just began to cuddle on Angel’s bed.

“I’m so glad your eating more, smiles.” Angel Dust said. 

“Yeah… You have really been a positive influence on me. Hell…” Alastor sighed, “If it wasn’t for you, I would have already killed myself by now. I… Actually am just living for you.”

A frown came upon Angel’s face, “Don’t say that. There should be more to life than just living for me. Or well, more to the afterlife.”

Alastor sighed, “You’re right. There really should be more to it than that…” 

“Don’t worry, I promise I’ll help you out even more. No matter how long it takes, I will help you get better. I promise.” Angel said.

Alastor smiled at his boyfriend, “Thank you, Angel. Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, I truly wonder how people not in the radiodust server feel about this fic. Or how many of you aren’t from the radiodust server. Anyway, I hope you liked it.


	7. Some talking might help, but it might make it worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor has some chats. Both pleasant and unpleasant.

Waking up next to Angel was the best feeling in the world to Alastor. Just… Waking up and knowing that the person you love is right next to you is a feeling that can’t be beat. 

They must have passed out after their date last night, as they were still in their formal attire. It wasn’t comfortable to sleep in at all.

Alastor stretched as he got up and out of Angel’s bed, careful not to wake up his beloved.

The deer demon left Angel’s room as quietly as he could. The door making a little  _ creeeeek _ as it closed.

Alastor should probably get dressed. Well, properly dressed for the morning, that is. He doesn’t want to stay in this suit forever.

Al got properly dressed for the day, and by properly dressed he means his normal attire. Hey, it’s just who he is to dress all fancy like.

The deer demon kept up his everlasting smile as he headed downstairs. No one took him seriously anymore except for the hazbins, so there really was no need to keep his smile up. But there may come a day where’d he’d need to have a wide grin in order to be able to intimidate someone, if that was even possible anymore, but it was just out of habit at this point.

He didn’t even know what time it was at this point. He forgot to check if he was being completely honest. Oh well!

As he went down into the lobby It seemed as though Husk was already drinking, no surprise there. But if Husk was up, he should be good.

So he started the day. Had breakfast a little later. Angel had come down during the middle of breakfast. 

“Ya should’ve gotten me up, smiles.” Angel had told the deer demon.

“I’m sorry, my love.” Alastor said. “You just looked too peaceful. I just couldn’t.

Husk groaned, “ _ Please  _ don’t flirt at the table. I don’t want to lose my breakfast.” 

Angel laughed, “Fine. You get out of our love this time. But during lunch I’m going to cuddle with Al the entire time.”

“I would certainly like that. You’re extremely soft, you know.” Alastor replied.

“Go and fuck yourselves.” Husk said.

Breakfast finished, and the hazbins were all doing their own thing. Angel and Alastor were surprisingly not clinging together at the moment.

“Heeey Al…” Charlie awkwardly approached the radio demon. Alastor’s ears perked up at the voice of the demon princess.

“Well hello, Charlie my dear!” Alastor exclaimed. “Is there something you need?” He asked.

“Uhm… Yeah. You see, uh...”Charlie looked awkwardly to the side, not really sure how to put it into words.

“...Would I be correct in assuming this is about what happened with Vox?” Alastor asked. “You know, the whole him exposing me thing?”

“....Yes…..” Charlie sighed. “Look, I know this must be really hard. Depression is already hard, isn’t it? I doubt this makes it any easier.” 

Alastor sighed, “It certainly is. Why did this have to happen?” 

“I don’t know but…” Charlie smiled, “We’ll all help you through it. Even though some of us may not admit it, we all care for you, Al.” 

“Thanks. Although that has been said a million times.” Alastor told her.

Charlie made sure no one was around before saying, “You know… I know just how hard depression, suicidal thoughts, and self harm can be… Several years ago, I was suffering from those things. I mean… I still have depressive episodes from time to time, but it’s better now.”

Alastor’s eyes widened as he felt his entire body freeze. “Wh-what did you say?” Did he hear Charlie right?

“I used to self harm a lot.” Charlie said. “It was the darkest point in my life. I had no friends, no one took me seriously… All I could think about was dying.” 

He was at a loss for words. There was no indication in the slightest that…. This had ever happened to her. She always seemed so cheerful. Then again, before Angel had taken off his coat, there was no indication for himself, either.

“....Then I met Vaggie. She lit up my world. We weren’t dating at the time, but I knew she truly was the one for me. She eventually found out, and helped me every step of the way.” Charlie said.

Alastor chuckled, “The ones we love are truly the ones who help the most. That seems to be a thing in common with us.” 

Charlie nodded, “Yeah… I don’t know if I would still be here if it weren’t for Vaggie.”

“I can say the exact same thing about Angel.” Alastor sighed. 

Charlie chuckled. “I still remember the day you two told everyone about your relationship. That day was certainly hilarious.”

“It sure was.” Alastor also laughed. Ah, he remembered the look on everyone’s faces…

_ “You’re what!?” Vaggie yelled. _

_ “Dating. Al and I are dating.” Angel told them. It was after dinner, although a certain deer demon didn’t eat, and they had finally decided to tell the hazbins about their ongoing relationship.  _

_ “I fucking knew it.” Husk said. _

_ “How!?” Charlie asked Husk. _

_ “When you’re around Alastor almost all the time, you begin to notice these things. Especially when Alastor seems to perk up whenever Angel enters the room…” Husk sighed before taking a swig of booze. _

_ “That is something I will not deny.” Alastor laughed. _

_ “How long have you two even been dating!?” Vaggie asked.  _

_ “Eh, about 4 months.” Angel said. “Maybe a little longer.” _

_ “It was getting a little hard to hide our relationship at this point, so we decided to just tell you all.” Alastor mentioned.  _

_ Niffty jumped in, “I support it! You two are so cute together!” _

_ The two lovers blushed a little. “Well, I’m glad you think so!” Alastor exclaimed.  _

_ “Yeah.” Angel chuckled, “I’ve finally found the man for me.” _

_ “...Am I the only one weirded out by this?” Vaggie asked. _

_ “Aw, don’t be like that. They are kinda cute.” Charlie said. “Just not as cute as us.” _

_ Angel Dust looked at Charlie. “Nope! Al and I are cuter!” Angel then kissed his boyfriend on the cheek. _

_ “Gross.” Husk said.  _

_ “Yeah, yeah. ‘I’m Husk and I hate love and anything positive’.” Angel said. _

_ Alastor cleared his throat, “Alright! Well that seems to be taken care of! Why don’t we get back to business?”  _

“I remember how Vaggie didn’t believe that you weren’t just using Angel at first.” Charlie sighed.

“I honestly didn’t blame her. If I was in her position I would probably think the same thing.” He replied.

The two talked a little bit more. About things that happened in the hotel, sometimes talking about their partners and how much they loved them. All that shit. Eventually, they decided to end the conversation.

“Sorry, Al. I promised Vaggie I’d help her with something today, so I’ve got to go.” Charlie said.

Alastor nodded, “It’s all fine, my dear! You wouldn’t want to keep the one you love waiting!” 

Charlie smiled as she waved goodbye. “Bye! See ya!” 

“Farewell for now, Charlie!” Alastor said.

Alastor decided to go look for his love, Angel Dust. He knew the arachnid had to be somewhere around the hotel, and Alastor knew where Angel liked to hang out.

As Alastor was entering a hallway, he heard Angel’s voice. Well that was awfully quick. But it sounded like he was… Talking on the phone?

“That’s. Not. True.” Angel said to the person on the other side of the phone. The person talked back, although Alastor couldn’t hear what they were saying or who it was.

“Ugh! Bye!” Angel yelled before hanging up on the person.

“Who was that, my dear?” Alastor said. Angel looked at his boyfriend, shocked.

“Um… Just another one of my old clients. Got into a bit of a fight with ‘em. Hehe….” Angel said nervously.

Alastor tilted his head. “Are they bugging you? Do I need to take care of them?” Alastor asked.

“No, no, no!” Angel exclaimed. “It’s fine. Totally fine!”

“If you say so…” Alastor said. There was something… Off… About Angel Dust. He seemed really nervous but… He wasn’t lying to him, was he?

“Al I’m uh… Sorry.” Angel apologized.

“Wha- Sorry? What for?” Alastor asked.

“For not bein’ there for you all the time. For not bein’ a better boyfriend...” Angel said.

“A better boyfriend?” Alastor asked. Was he really hearing him right? “Angel, you are the only reason I’m alive, didn’t you hear me say that yesterday.”

“Bullshit!” Angel yelled. “We all know Husk or somethin’ would keep you fucking alive!” 

This was… Awfully sudden. Did it have something to do with the phone call Angel just had? He seemed to be awfully upset.

“Angel.  _ Listen _ .” Alastor said. But Angel quickly shot back. 

“I’ve just made life harder for you, haven’t I!? Making you worry about me and my stupid choices. Remember how upset you were when I shot Vox!?” 

“I was worried, for fucks sake!” Alastor felt himself yell. He didn’t mean to do that. 

“And if I hadn’t been reckless, you wouldn’t have been worried!” Angel yelled. 

“Where is this even coming from!?” Alastor exclaimed. 

“It-“ Angel snarled. “-Is none of your business.”

“Being your boyfriend isn’t enough business for you, then?” Alastor asked.

“You know what? I’m going to my room. Bye, Alastor.” Angel said as he walked off, without waiting for a response.

Alastor groaned. What the hell was that for? He felt like crying now, though. Oh god, what if Angel hated him now? Alastor couldn’t deal with Angel hating him. 

Alastor sighed as he headed to his room. He closed and locked the door as he entered. Alastor immediately went for a holy knife under his bed.

He didn’t get to do this yesterday thanks to Angel interrupting him. Now he had the chance, though.

Alastor rolled up his sleeve, pressed the blade against the severely scarred skin of his arms, and let his mind fall into darkness as he did what he has done so many times before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so fucking sorry.


	8. It’s for the best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel has an unpleasant chat with some overlords...

Alastor felt like complete shit, if he was being honest.

After the fight with Angel and Alastor cutting himself , he had a good reason for being so. It was…. Not a good day.

Alastor had just spent the rest of the day in his room, not going to any meals and not going out for any reason. Some of the hazbins tried to get him out, but it didn’t work.

The deer demon groaned as he woke up on his floor. He figured he must have accidentally fallen asleep while he was busy feeling bad about himself. He began to stretch out his body. Today was going to be a long day, he can tell.

He decided to just crawl on his bed for the time being. Ugh, he still felt awful about his fight with Angel yesterday. The spider had been the only one who didn’t try and coax him out of his room yesterday.

Did Angel hate him now? What got him so upset? Ugh, the more he thought about it, the more it hurt his heart. Maybe he should just sleep again to get rid of the pain that the fight had brought him, both mentally, and physically. Alastor sighed as he pulled down his sleeve to look at his most recent self harm scars.

He thought he had been doing so well. But after that fight with Angel, he couldn’t help himself. Why did he have to be like this? Why did he have to be miserable all the time?

Those thoughts plagued the sad deer demons mind as he once again, fell asleep. Looks like today wasn’t going to be so long, after all.

But, it was going to be a long day for Angel…

The spider demon felt awful about his fight with Alastor yesterday. He knew he must have made his boyfriend feel worse about himself. Why couldn’t he keep his stupid mouth fucking shut!?

“Hey, Angel…. Angel!” A familiar winged feline yelled.

“Huh!?” Angel Dust yelled out in shock. Oh, he must have been spacing out. He was glad to have been brought back to reality, if he was being honest.

“Are you just going to stare at your breakfast, or eat it?” Husk asked grumpily. 

Angel quickly turned to his meal. “Right, sorry… I’m just a bit distracted…” he sighed.

There was silence for a few seconds, before Niffty spoke up. “Is Alastor okay? I know you told us about your fight last night after talking to Husk for a bit...” The tiny demon sighed.

“I dunno. I haven’t even tried to talk to him about it…” Angel shrugged. 

Vaggie face palmed, “You know, communication is key in relationships, Angel. I’ve had to talk with Charlie about a lot of things, and that helped our relationship a lot.”

“Of course I know that! I’m just… Giving Al time, is all!” The spider demon exclaimed before crossing his arms.

Husk nodded, “Right…. And you’re totally not avoiding talking to him at all.”

Angel glared at Husk, “You know, I like you talking about my relationship much better when I’m drunk.” Angel said. He may have had a lot of drinks last night after he decided to stop being angry, and that anger turned into sadness.

“Understandable.” Husk said, before taking a swig of some booze. Angel couldn’t help but think it was way too early to be drinking.

“Look, I just… Think we both need some time.” Angel sighed. He was really worried about what the future held for their relationship.

Breakfast was awkward, it always seemed to be after Alastor’s self harm had been revealed to the hazbins, and that was over a month ago.

Angel sighed as he was left alone in the lobby. Maybe he should go and talk to Alastor? He sighed, yeah, he should do that.

Just as Angel got up, he saw two figures walk in. The spider demon’s eyes widened. What were they doing here? He couldn’t believe it….

It was Valentino and Vox.

Angel knew the hazbins wouldn’t like them here. Mostly Vox after the shit he pulled with exposing Alastor, but they weren’t really a fan of Val either.

“Ah, Angie baby… Just the spider we were looking for.” Valentino said. 

“What the fuck do you guys want?” Angel growled.

“Relax.” Vox sighed. “You’re lucky we’re not here to kill you after you fucking shot me.” Vox pointed at the large crack in his screen. 

Valentino nodded, “Just follow us, Angie. We won’t pull any tricks.”

Angel crossed his arms, “Give me one good reason why I should believe you.”

“If we were going to kill you, we would just tell you and drag you out and get it over with, or not even say anything to begin with.” Val informed the demon. “Now just follow us, before we change our minds about letting you live.”

The spider demon groaned, “Fine…”

And so, like a dumbass, Angel Dust followed Vox and Valentino outside of the hotel.

They led him into an alleyway. Okay, yup, he was getting murdered. He should have trusted his gut.

“Y’know, Angie baby, You really should break up with Alastor.” Val said. “You’re just making him even more miserable.”

Angel’s eyes widened. What…? No, that wasn’t true, right?

“Especially after your little fight yesterday. I had some… Connections, from somebody who witnessed it. Although you weren’t aware of them.”

“You… Know about our fight?” Angel looked in shock. 

Angel always thought fights were a sign a relationship was failing. His parents fought a lot when they were alive, and it was clear that their relationship was failing, so Angel always thought that fights meant that the relationship was not working out.

“It would probably help Alastor if you broke up with him, if I was being honest. He won’t have to worry about a relationship and can just focus on himself.” Vox said. 

Valentino piped in, “We won’t harass the guy if you break up with him, Angie, if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s not like we have a reason to~”

“I… But he needs me…” Angel clenched his fists.

“He needs you to break up with him.” Vox said. “It will benefit him in the end, just you wait.” 

Val crossed his arms, “Just think about it, Angie, it will help his mental state.”

Before Angel Dust could say anything, Valentino and Vox walked out of the alleyway without saying a word…

Valentino had called him yesterday and told him that Alastor would be better off without him, that’s what made him upset and started the fight. He said it wasn’t true but…. Was it? He would do anything to make Alastor happy, and maybe breaking up would help him. He wouldn’t have to worry about Angel and could just worry about himself.

Angel began to walk back to the hotel, having some seriously questions.

At the hotel, Alastor had finally gotten up and out of his bed. He was inside the lobby at the moment. Ugh, he was glad it was empty right now. It seemed like a busy day for most demon’s.

Suddenly, the main entrance swung open, and he saw none other than Angel.

“Oh… Hey Al.” Angel said.

“Hello…” Alastor mumbled. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to talk to Angel yet.

Angel Dust frowned, “You’re still upset about yesterday?” He asked.

The deer demon nodded, “I’m not sure I want to talk right now. I think I need a little space…” he began to go back towards his room. 

“Well that’s fine…” Tears began to form in Angel’s eyes, “Because it’s time we ended things.

Alastor’s eyes widened as he turned around and began to approach Angel again. “Ended things? Angel, what do you mean?” 

Angel sighed, “It means it’s time we broke up. It’s for the best, I know it is…” 

Alastor stood wide eyed and felt tears run down his cheeks. This couldn’t be happening...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw credit to the Radiodust discord for helping me out with some plot and stuff like that.


	9. Love hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor isn’t taking Angel Dust breaking up with him very well, and it leads to some unpleasant situations.

Alastor refused to move from the couch in the lobby. It had been mere hours ago when Angel broke up with him, and he’s been in the same position since then.

He saw no point. What reason did he have to live without Angel being his boyfriend. Angel wouldn’t even explain why they were breaking up. He just said it was for the best.

_ “Alastor, listen. I get you’re upset. But it’s really for the best.” Angel Dust said. _

_ “I don’t get it! I thought you were happy! I thought you loved me! Why….” Alastor wiped the tears out of his eyes. “Did you ever even love me?” _

_ “Al, of course. It’s just-“ Angel was interrupted. _

_ Alastor growled, “Yeah, yeah. ‘It’s for the best.’ You don’t need to repeat yourself. I get it, you don’t want to be with me.” _

_ Angel frowned and reached one of his hands out to Alastor. “Al, I-“ _

_ “Go away. I don’t want to hear it.” Alastor grumbled as he went onto the couch. _

_ Angel sighed, before reluctantly leaving.  _

_ Alastor looked back as he watched his ex boyfriend leave the lobby, defeated. _

And so here Alastor was, moping about their breakup on the couch. He had no reason to live without Angel. Sure, he would still see Angel around, but he would now know Angel as his ex, instead of the love of his life.

“Hey Al, something bugging you? I mean… I don’t actually care about ya, it’s just weird to see you like this in public.” Husk said as he walked towards the sad demon, taking a swig of booze. “You look like shit and the others have walked in and seen ya moping on this couch for hours. Is this about your fight with Angel yesterday?” The cat asked.

“Ugh… Can we not talk about Angel right now? Just thinking about him hurts my heart…” Alastor sighed.

“Jesus, what happened between you two?” Husk asked.

“Angel broke up with me this morning.” Alastor informed the winged feline. Husk’s eyes immediately widened as the booze slipped out of one of Husk’s paws.

“He…. What?” Husk asked again, in shock.

“He broke up with me. What, does it bring you joy to see me upset like this?” Alastor asked.

“That- Why would he do that? You seemed the same amount in love as you always were not that long ago.” Husk pondered. It didn’t make any sense.

“That’s the problem. I don’t know why he broke up with me. He just said it was for the best. I wonder if the fight provoked this…” Alastor sighed. “I love him so much still, Husk.”

Husk frowned, “Yeah… Breakups sure are shit. Especially with all the mental health issues your dealing with right now.” The cat furrowed his brows. “As classic as this sounds, it’ll get better. You just have to give it time.”

“I doubt it but…” Alastor sighed, “Thanks anyway.” 

The cat demon was definitely planning on investigating Angel Dust after this conversation. This was way too sudden. Angel should know that this would only make Alastor spiral into a deeper depression, right? 

Husk froze when Alastor suddenly hugged him. Ugh, how annoying…. Husk hugged back.

The hug released after about 10 seconds. Alastor was glad for a good friend like Husk, even if Husk was in denial of their friendship.

“Don’t think too much of this, okay? I just don’t want you bawling your eyes out around the hotel is all.” Husk said.

Alastor nodded, “Yeah. Okay…” He sighed.

Husk cleared his throat. “Well, I have some shit I gotta take care of. Just… Feel better soon, or some shit like that.”

“I’ll try, but no promises.” Alastor sighed. His fake smile ever so prevalent, even though he was obviously the opposite of happy right now. Well, that’s why it was fake.

Husk sighed as he left Alastor alone. Part of him didn’t want to, but he couldn’t be there with Alastor forever.

After Husk exited the lobby and headed down the hallway to get into his room, suddenly Charlie, Vaggie, and Niffty came and approached him. But no Angel. Maybe that was for the best. 

“Hey, so how’d the chat with Al go?” Charlie ask. “We… Didn’t eavesdrop, but we did see you guys talking. Is he okay?”

“No. Angel broke up with him.” Husk sighed. 

They all looked at Husk in shock. “What!? But why!?” Niffty asked.

“Dunno. Al said Angel wouldn’t even explain.” The cat demon sighed while rubbing the bridge of his nose.

Vaggie crossed her arms, “This is too sudden, if I was being honest. They seemed all lovey dovey a few days ago, and now they’re broken up? It doesn’t make sense…”

“Poor Al, though…” Charlie sighed. “He must feel really bad right now. Not only are breakups hard, but with Alastor’s depression, it must be even harder. Especially with how much Angel helped him… I’m scared he might relapse.” 

“Didn’t Angel take away Alastor’s knife after he checked up on Alastor after we found out about his self harm?” Vaggie asked. “I’m pretty sure Angel mentioned something about that a few weeks ago…”

“But what if he has more than one?” Charlie asked.

Vaggie paused for a second, before placing her hands on Charlie’s shoulders. “Look, I know you want to help him, and even if I don’t really like him that much, I do too. We should look at what’s ahead of us, instead of thinking about the what if’s. We can… Ask him if it makes you feel better, but I don’t know if he’ll tell the truth.”

Charlie nodded, “Okay…” She gave Vaggie a quick peck on her lips.

“We’re right here, you know.” Husk grumbled. That caused both Charlie and Vaggie to blush.

“Awww… But they’re cute…” Niffty said.

“Don’t.” Husk groaned. “I’m going to my room. Bye.” 

They all just watched as Husk left, not saying a word.

When it came time for dinner, the hazbins knew everything was going to be tense with Alastor and Angel’s breakup.

Vaggie had to be the one to get Al to go to dinner that night. He wasn’t eating for Angel anymore, so he didn’t see the point, but she literally almost dragged him to the kitchen. It didn’t get to that point, though.

“Listen, it won’t be that bad. Breakups are shit, but it’s not like you can avoid Angel forever.” Vaggie said to Alastor while walking to the dining room.

“Is that a challenge?” Alastor grumbled.

Vaggie facepalmed, “No, just… You don’t have to talk to him. Just eat dinner like you did before you two began to date.”

“I didn’t eat dinner most of the time before we began to date. In fact, that applied throughout most of the relationship.” Alastor said.

“Oh my- Just work with me here.  _ Please.  _ It won’t be as terrible as you think it will be.” Vaggie sighed.

When they entered the dining room, Angel hadn’t arrived yet. He hadn’t seen Angel ever since the whole breakup. He wondered if Angel was celebrating right now. Probably.

As Niffty was dishing out dinner, Angel Dust suddenly walked in.

“Sorry I’m late, guys, I lost track of time.” Angel said. Alastor immediately caught his attention. “Hey Al… Glad to see you came to dinner.”

Alastor looked at Angel for a second before furrowing his brows and turning his head the other way, not saying a word.

“The silent treatment, Eh? Fair.” Angel sat down and began to eat as soon as Niffty placed his plate in front of him.

Dinner was mostly the same, casual chatting and all that. But Alastor didn’t say a word. Angel had tried to talk to him, but Alastor still ignored Angel. At some point, Alastor had enough.

“-Heh, what’d ya think, Al?” Angel asked.

“Stop.” Alastor said.

Angel tilted his head, “Stop what?”

Alastor growled as he stood up. “Stop acting like nothing happened. Like we’ve only ever been good friends. You can’t just break up with me without an explanation and expect us to be fine!”

Angel froze, “Al-“

“You know what? I don’t get how I fell in love with you in the first place. You don’t care how I feel. You probably only helped me with my mental health out of pity!” Alastor exclaimed.

“Now Alastor that’s a little-“ Charlie began but was interrupted.

“That’s not true! I just… You wouldn’t understand my reasoning!” Angel spat back.

The deer demon grumbled, “Riiight. Sure. I was a damn fool to let myself get caught up in love. Of course it ended this way. Why wouldn’t it!? We were bound to end in disaster!”

This time, Husk tried his hand at stopping this, “Alastor, calm the fuck do-“

“I don’t need to calm down! I’m perfectly calm!” Alastor yelled.

“You think I’m not upset, don’t you...?” Angel mumbled. “News flash! I am! It’s just for the best!”

The radio demon groaned, “Stop saying that! You just…. Get out of my face.” Alastor clenched his fists. 

Angel crossed his arms, “Fine! Fuck you!”

The spider demon stormed out of the dining room, all eyes turning to Alastor. The deer groaned.

“What came over me? Damn it…” Alastor said.

Charlie rubbed the back of her neck, “Yeah, yelling can happen a lot after breakups. Don’t worry about it too much… Maybe you can still patch things up?” Charlie laughed nervously.

“I doubt it… I really fucked things up this time.” Alastor let a frown slip on his face for a split second, before bringing his smile back up and leaving.

The deer demon headed up to his room and locked the door behind him. He began to cry, his smile dropping without him bringing it back up.

He ruined any chance with at least a friendship with Angel, now. Why couldn’t he keep his fat mouth shut? He didn’t deserve to be here. He wanted to die so badly.

Alastor crawled onto the bed and cried himself to sleep. Maybe this was all a bad dream, and when he woke up he’d be happy in Angel’s arms and was able to kiss him and tell him how much he loved him.

But when he awoke, he was still in his sad, curled up state. He was woken up by knocking at the door. 

Alastor groaned as he slowly squirmed out of the bed. Ugh… Why right now?

The deer demon got up and put on his smile before opening the door. It was Charlie, in tears.

“Good morning, uh… What exactly happened?” Alastor asked the princess.

“Al…” Angel left the hotel. He checked out this morning.” She held out the key to Angel’s room… Well, to what used to be Angel’s room.

Alastor took it and stared, unsure what to say. He held the key tight.

This was all his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angel’s reasons for leaving will be specified in chapter 10 please don’t kill me before then-


	10. The itsy bitsy spider siblings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of the hazbins meet Angel’s siblings, who have some interesting motives.

Alastor squeezed Angel’s room key… Well, his previous room key, as tightly as he could. This was his fault. He was upset they broke up, so he accidentally drove the man he was still deeply in love with away.

“Please Charlie… Please tell me this is some cruel joke.” Alastor pleaded with the princess. Charlie shook her head.

“I’m not joking… He left. Angel said he couldn’t be here at the hotel anymore with ‘all of this shit.’ He then walked out of the lobby as I tried to talk him out of leaving. I went after him but then I saw Valentino’s limousine pull up and he just… He gave me one last goodbye as he entered the limo…” Charlie informed the demon. 

Alastor felt a strange liquid fall down his face, which he quickly identified as tears. He was crying. And right in front of Charlie, too. Greeeeat.

Charlie’s eyes widened, “Ah! Al wait don’t… Don’t cry. We’re going to get through this, okay?”

“It’s my fault… I drove him away, didn’t I?” Alastor wiped the tears from his face, but it didn’t do much good. The feeling of needing to let out a sob was beginning to form in the back of his throat. No, he wasn’t going to let that happen. Not in front of someone. 

“No, no! It’s not your fault. It’s no one's fault…” Charlie assured Alastor.

“Sure… I think I need some alone time.” Alastor sighed. Charlie frowned as Alastor closed himself away to the world.

Charlie sighed and clenched her fists. She was reasonably worried about Alastor. Sure, he was her business partner, but she also considered him a friend, even if he didn’t consider her a friend.

It hurt knowing that Alastor is going through what she had all those years ago. When she saw his self harm for the first time… She couldn’t help but think about how much struggle she had been through. And until that point, Alastor had been struggling with it all alone, something that happens often with depression and self harm. At least for a while.

She remembered Alastor telling her that Angel Dust had helped him the most, and that he wouldn't be here if it weren’t for Angel. Charlie was scared at what was going to happen next now that Angel broke up with Alastor... Would Alastor try to kill himself?

Charlie wasn’t going to let that happen, and she was sure the others weren’t going to let that happen too. Especially Husk. Charlie knew Husk wouldn’t admit it, but he is the closest to Alastor right now, now that Angel Dust broke up with Al and left. 

The princess knocked on Alastor’s door again, Alastor didn’t answer, but he did make a low grumble, which was a sign for Charlie to leave Alastor alone.

She had to attend to business, anyway. But still… Even while working on paperwork, helping out residents, and all of that, she was still worried about Alastor’s safety. It was beginning to stress her out.

Charlie waved goodbye as some of the residents she was checking up on left the lobby. She sighed as she plopped down on the sofa. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could handle this.

Husk looked over at Charlie from the bar, not really saying anything. He could tell something was getting to her, and there were several things that could be happening. Just before he was going to check up on the demon princess…

There was a knock at the door.

Both Charlie and Husk looked at the door. Charlie quickly got up, ignoring how tired she was and made her way to the door. When Charlie opened the door, she saw two figures…

One was a pink and fluffy looking spider demon. She had white fur and had long hair and was wearing black and pink. She looked… A lot like Angel.

The other figure, who was also a spider demon, had a much darker color scheme, black fur, black outfit, black hat, although the outfit and hat had a little bit of a weird green on it. 

“Hello deary! I’m Molly, and this is my brother Arackniss!” The bright spider demon said. Arackniss just rolled his eyes, not saying a word.

“Ah, well it’s nice to meet you both! Are you both interested in becoming residents?” Charlie asked.

“No, no, no. Charlie, is it? I mean, duh, we heard your name around. Anyway, we’re here t’ help ya patch things up with our brother Anth- I mean, Angel.” Molly informed.

Arackniss nodded, “Yeah… We heard that he left the hotel not long after having a break up with old radio.”

“I see…” Charlie sighed, “Yeah our… Relationship isn’t very good with Angel right now. Mostly Alastor’s.”

“Yeah, we’re gonna try an’ fix that. Can we come in?” Molly asked.

“Of course!” Charlie moved out of the way so the two spider’s could come in.

They both walked in. Husk almost spit out his drink when he saw the two demons. He could see the resemblance to Angel in both of them. Molly in color, and Arackniss in face shape.

“What the fuck.” Husk said.

Arackniss looked at Husk for a little bit, making eye contact. Arackniss quickly turned away after a few seconds, needing to focus on the task at hand.

Molly chuckled as she noticed Arackniss’s eyes contact with the cat demon’s. She turned to Charlie, “Do ya think I can go and visit ‘im? Al, I mean. Arackniss, maybe you could find ‘nother demon to talk to about what’s goin’ on.”

Arackniss shrugged, “Fine.” He walked off to talk to Husk about Angel. Molly turned back to look at Charlie.

“You can try and talk to him, but I’m not sure if he’ll want to.” Charlie said.

“That’s fine! I want t’ try anyhow!” Molly said.

Charlie nodded, “Alright, follow me. I’ll show you to his room.”

Molly followed Charlie without another word. Charlie was hoping Molly would be able to help, but she was unsure. 

They arrived at Alastor’s door. “This is his room…” Charlie said 

Molly nodded, “Thanks!” She knocked on the door. Alastor didn’t respond, but they heard some shuffling inside his room as a sign he was still there.

She took that as a sign to introduce herself. “Hello! Name’s Molly an’-“ Both of the demons suddenly heard rushing to the door as Alastor opened it.

Alastor looked wide eyed at Molly. “Wow… You really do look like him…” The deer demon said.

“You’re talking ‘bout Angel, right?” Molly asked.

Alastor nodded, “Yeah. He told me he had a sister named Molly.”

“That’s would happen t’ be me!” Molly exclaimed.

“Do you… Need something?” Alastor asked.

Molly chuckled, “The only thing I need is to help ya fix things with my brother!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. I’m adding Huskniss to this. Why? Because it’s my fic and I’m trash for grumpy bfs.


	11. Talking with a spider

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor talks to Molly, while Arackniss talks to Husk. It’s a very... Interesting, experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is officially the longest chapter of Cuts and Ropes at 2203 words, the second longest is chapter 5 at 2021 words. Help me.

Alastor remembered the awful feeling of the rope on his neck. How much it hurt. How much it stung. He knew it would be over soon, and he wouldn’t have to reminisce on it. But he survived. God damn it he survived. He already died once, why couldn’t he die a second time?

He was honestly surprised he wasn’t the cause of his own death, he probably would have been had that little tumble in his life happen. But that wasn’t important. What was important, was that he was still in hell, and not faded out of existence.

The radio demon wondered what would have happened if people found out he killed himself had it succeeded. They would have called him weak. Selfish. No one would worry about being insensitive about someone’s suicide because it was fucking hell. People were insensitive almost always.

Alastor had to live through all of the pain afterwards. His neck ached for several days afterwards, and left a nasty rope burn on it. He had to alter his coat to cover his neck afterwards. People would find out, otherwise.

He had to deal with demons daily, and he was getting sick of it. He just had to keep up a happy face, and pretend to be okay. Pretend to like himself. He had met a cat demon named Husk and a very tiny demon named Niffty recently. Niffty seemed to like him way more than Husk did, though. But he had been spending a considerable amount of time around the two demons lately. He was intrigued.

He did grow to genuinely care about the two demons, surprisingly enough. He didn’t feel that way about many demons, so that was new territory for the radio demon. It wasn’t unwelcome at all though. He appreciated their company.

It began to become hard to hide his depression, though. The more he suffered alone, the worse his mental health got. Maybe if he tried to kill himself again, it would actually work that time around. Maybe he could just stand out in the open during an extermination and wait to be killed. The possibilities are endless, and he kept going deeper and more into detail over the years until…

He heard of the Happy Hotel.

Alastor hadn’t been so interested, so intrigued by something in ages. He wanted to check it out, and decided he was going to sponsor it under the new name of Hazbin Hotel. And it worked, he brought sinners far and wide from all over hell to be redeemed. 

Redemption. Such a fake concept. Especially here in hell. What is the chance that someone will actually get redeemed? None. Fallen Angels exist, but not Risen Demons. It’s not something that happens, or will ever happen.

Alastor eventually came to get close with one of the patrons of the hotel, the first patron, actually. Angel Dust. They just began to talk, and at first it was a teasing thing, but then it blossomed into a beautiful and surprising friendship. And then… Alastor realized he was in love with Angel.

He suppressed his feelings for the effeminate spider. He thought of many different reasons why Angel would never want him. He was crazy, he was asexual and sex repulsed while Angel was very sexual, he was unlikeable, he was too much work. Those thoughts passed through Alastor’s head daily. He couldn’t take it anymore.

And holy shit, Alastor was so confused when Angel confessed his love to him. Angel. Loved him. The radio demon. He couldn’t believe it. Did Angel want power or something? Was he playing a cruel joke on him? Alastor didn’t see why Angel would ever love him.

And now, in the present, Angel doesn’t. Angel had broken up with him. He had fucked everything up. ‘It is for the best’ he said. Obviously. Angel didn’t want to be with a depressed sack of shit anymore. He must have wanted someone who was powerful and influential, not the laughing stock of hell. That’s why Angel broke up with him, right?

He just needed to kill himself already. Angel was wrong. No one would save him. His suicide attempt barely failed all that time ago. His powers kicked in as a last minute thing. Had that not have happened, he wouldn’t be here right now. He wouldn’t be suffering right now. He wouldn’t be thinking about killing himself right now.

Why wouldn’t anyone just let him kill himself? Didn’t they know he deserved it? Maybe if he tried it, no one would be able to stop him. Yeah, no one could stop him. He may not have a good reputation anymore but he was still powerful enough to stop anyone from stopping him from committing suicide.

He had been shocked when he heard a knock at his door. Who could it possibly be? It was probably Charlie again, right? Ugh, she should just leave him alone. He was too busy thinking about ways he could kill himself. Hanging wouldn’t work, as it didn’t last time. Would slitting his wrist work? Or maybe drinking some holy water?

The he heard Molly introduce herself, and Alastor’s eyes widened. Molly. That was Angel’s sister's name. Angel… How he missed that man. He missed his comforting words. His charming smile. His cute laugh. He missed that spider so goddamn much. He just wanted to be with Angel, but Alastor had to fuck things up like he always does.

When he ran to open the door, he immediately saw Angel in the spider woman. She looked so much like him, it was uncanny. Alastor just wanted to cry. He still loved Angel, and Angel was gone from the hotel forever. Alastor was the one to blame for it, too.

They had said a few things back and forth. Alastor was confused at Molly’s motive. Why would she come here and approach her brother’s ex boyfriend? It didn’t make sense. To Alastor, at the very least.

The female spider demon had given them a light chuckle after Alastor had asked what she needed. Alastor was confused for a few seconds as to why, but then she explained herself.

“The only thing I need is to help ya fix things with my brother.”

Alastor froze at that sentence. Fix things…? He was pretty sure what happened was unfixable. Angel broke up with him, Alastor got pissed and yelled at Angel, and Angel Dust left the hotel. There was no fixing what happened. As Alastor said when he first joined the hotel: There is no undoing what is done.

“Fix things… With Angel?” Alastor asked. It sounded like a dream. A distant fantasy that would in happen in said dream. Alastor didn’t believe in fantasy. He knew there was no fixing things after that shitshow that happened at dinner happened.

“Ayup! Now tell me. Do ya still love my brother?” Molly asked. Alastor wasn’t expecting that, but it seemed natural that she would ask such a question. Imagine how awkward it would be if it turned out Alastor had fallen out of love with Angel Dust. Well, at least that wasn’t the case. Alastor was still very much in love with that spider.

Alastor nodded, “Of course I do. I want to let go of him, but I just can’t. I am still in love with him, and even after everything that happened, that hasn’t changed one bit.” He sighed while beginning to hold himself. 

“I see… Well, why don’t we talk ‘bout what comes next.” Molly said. She smiled and patted down her clothing, making sure to look all prim and proper for this. “Can we come in?” She signaled to Charlie during the ‘we.’

Now, on the other hand...

Arackniss has approached the drunk and grumpy cat. He noticed Molly had already left with Charlie to go and find Alastor. He couldn’t help but feel bad for the poor demon. He had lost his reputation, and not long after his boyfriend. He never thought he would be feeling bad for the radio demon, but here he was.

Now, to the task at hand. This cat demon. Arackniss had always been a fan of cats and… This was a person, not a cat. Even if he looked like one. He needed to ignore the fact that this guy was a big and fluffy cat.

“What’s your name?” Arackniss asked the cat demon. Might as well start simple, and what’s simpler than asking someone for their name?

“Husk.” He said. Husk examined Arackniss’s body for a second, taking this whole weird situation in. This is not how he expected today to go, but here he was. “What about you?”

“Arackniss.” The dark spider sighed, tapping one of his feet on the ground. “How close were ya with my brother, anyway?” Arackniss asked the fluffy cat.

“Eh, not very close. I didn’t really think much of him. But I knew Alastor loved him, and Angel really did help Alastor with his depression and shit. I try, as I actually kinda care for the bastard a little… Uh, ignore that, anyway, why Angel broke up with him I don’t fucking know. It was so sudden.” Husk said before taking a swig of booze. Husk noticed Arackniss looking at the bottle.

Husk grabbed a bottle of booze and put it out in front of Arackniss. “Want it?” He asked. Arackniss thought for a moment. “What about 1 more? I’ll be needing it.”

“You like your stuff… Okay.” He grabbed one more bottle for Arackniss and watched as the spider demon put both of the bottles in his mouth, and just  _ rip _ the caps off both of them at once before spitting them out.

“Holy shit.” Husk stared wide eyed at the spider as he began to drink. Now this was his type of guy he liked to be around with. Although, he predicted Arackniss was going to either pass out, throw up, or both before the end of the day.

Arackniss put down his bottle after he finished up his sip. “So, do you miss Angel at all or somethin’ like that?” Arackniss asked the cat. Husk raised a brow at Arackniss.

“Of course I do. I do care for him, even if he gets on my nerves. Plus, he was the first one I talked to when I was teleported to the hotel besides Alastor. But I met Alastor before I was teleported here, so he doesn’t count. Especially since Alastor was the one who brought me here.” Husk rubbed his eyes.

“That seems… Strange.” Arackniss said. Husk slammed his bottle of booze on the table. “I know right!? Like Alastor just had to teleport me here without even warning me!” Husk sighed. “At least it’s better here than I expected. Still never forgave him for that, though.”

“...It looks like ya have a sort of love-hate friendship with Alastor.” Arackniss said before taking another swig of booze. Arackniss just looked at Husk the entire time. He may have just derailed the subject, but he didn’t care one bit.

Husk rolled his eyes. “Yeah… If I was being honest, I do kinda see him as a friend. I haven’t been as rude to him since all of us found out he was suicidal, at least. By us I mean Charlie, Vaggie, Niffty…. Angel, back when he was still here. Y’know? It’s not like I’m the only one being nicer to him. Vaggie has been nicer too.”

“Vaggie’s the princess’s girlfriend, right?” Arackniss asked. Husk nodded. “Judging by how nice that demon is, she would probably murder her girlfriend if she was still rude to someone who wants to take his own life.” Arackniss added.

“I wouldn’t call murdering your girlfriend nice, but okay.” Husk sighed. Arackniss rolled his eyes. “You know what I meant. Don’t be like that.” 

Husk just laughed. “Nah. It’s fun.” The cat demon finished up his bottle of booze and threw it in the trash can across the room before grabbing another one.

“Nice aim.” Arackniss said. Husk laughed as he opened the bottle with a, well, bottle opener. “Thanks.” Husk responded.

The topic didn’t go back to Angel. They just talked and got to know each other. They liked each other’s company, they really did. They were similar in many ways, but also different they came to learn. Whatever the case, they bonded.

…..

Angel counted the money he had collected from his recent client. He tried to ignore how much he yearned for Alastor. He missed Alastor’s sweet little kisses, and the way he would sometimes genuinely smile. Oh how he loved that smile.

But he knew things would he better this way… Right? Angel sighed. He needed to ignore these thoughts and just focus on work now that he was working for Valentino again. 

Angel entered the studio and entered Valentino’s office. He raised an eyebrow when he saw Valentino was nowhere to be seen. He noticed a note on his desk and went up and read it. 

_ “This is Valentino. I just went with Vox to do some business with my  _ **_deer_ ** _ friend. See you soon <3” _

Ah, so that’s why Val was gone. Wait…

Did he spell dear wrong?


	12. “I’m sorry”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are several things to be sorry about right now. Too many things.

The thought of patching things up with Angel was amazing to Alastor. But… He didn’t know if it was possible. He had talked things over with Molly and Charlie. Things they could do to reconnect with Angel. Would it work, though?

The deer demon sighed as he exited his room. That conversation had happened not that long ago, but it sure did last long. Molly had eventually moved on to talking with the other hazbins. She probably wouldn’t talk with them as long as they did with him. After all, they were ex-boyfriends. 

Alastor made his way to the lobby. He looked and saw Husk and a dark spider demon talking. Was that Angel’s brother he was talking about? Alastor thought they didn’t get along, why would he care about his relationships. He’s here for the same reason as Molly, right? But their conversation didn’t seem to be about Angel, from what he heard at the very least. Well, it wasn’t any of his business. Alastor just exited the hotel without any hesitation.

He needed to clear his thoughts a bit. Demons that he passed in the streets were still looking at him in those weird ways, but he chose to ignore them this time around. At least, he tried to. It got harder the more he walked down the streets of hell.

But then, he saw two demons he couldn’t possibly ignore.

Vox, the demon who had outed his self harm to the entirety of hell. And Valentino, Angel’s boss. 

Alastor looked at the large crack in Vox’s screen. He remembered Angel doing that for revenge, or something like that. But now that would never happen, due to Angel breaking up with him.

“Nice crack. I hope you’re doing well.” Alastor said sarcastically.

“Nice sarcasm. I hope you kill yourself.” Vox replied. Alastor didn’t say a word to that sentence, which caused Vox and Valentino to chuckle a bit.

“You know, Angie baby really has been enjoying himself. You know, while he was fuckin’ many, many demons. I can’t believe how selfish you were to rob Angie of something he loved so much. I’m not surprised he broke up with you. What did you ever do to satisfy him? Jack shit.” Valentino smirked. 

“I… He said he didn’t mind I was asexual!” Alastor exclaimed. Yeah, Angel was fine with that, he wasn’t going to let this get to him.

“And look at how well that turned out.” Valentino laughed.

Alastor stayed silent. And that made the two demons even more satisfied. 

“You were what drove him away. Your selfishness… Your dependence on him… Those are what drove Angel away from you! You have no one to blame but yourself!” Vox laughed.

“But… ” Alastor couldn’t come up with something to say. He felt as though he was right, even though that wasn’t the case in the slightest.

“There are several ways you could kill yourself, you know. It is obvious you want to do it, so just get it out of the way. We could even assist in getting you what you need for it.” Valentino said before laughing.

His fingers began to dig into the palm of his hands, causing a slight pain to form. But he didn’t care at this point. He deserved the pain, after all, and he deserved to die. Well, again.

Vox smirked, and oh how Alastor wanted to make the crack on his screen bigger to wipe that smirk off it. “Aw, what’s wrong? Are we making you upset? I thought you wanted to kill yourself? I’m sure it’s going to happen anyway, why not give you a bit of encouragement?” Vox said.

“Well… Is this all you came out for? Just to tell me to kill myself?” Alastor asked.

“Would you be upset if we said yes?” Vox replied.

“Well, you did just that. Go away.” Alastor demanded.

Valentino laughed, “Aw, but we were just-“

Alastor just turned around and headed back to the hotel, much to Vox and Valentino’s dismay. “Remember what we told you!” Vox yelled out. That caused Alastor to head back to the hotel faster.

He entered the hotel slowly. He noticed no one was at the bar, not even Husk. That was… Unusual. Oh well. 

Alastor headed back to his room and entered. And then… He just cried. They were right. Angel must have been so annoyed by him. That’s why he broke up with him, right? And maybe it did have to do with Alastor’s asexuality. Was… He really being selfish? Alastor always thought Angel was happy in their relationship, even without sex, but now he wasn’t so sure.

Alastor grabbed the holy knife from under his bed. You know, it could all be over if he cut on a vein. It might take a while, but it would be over. It’s not like his powers could stop a cut.

Alastor rolled up one of his sleeves and located a vein on his arm. He couldn’t believe this was happening… He would be free. Heh, looks like Angel was wrong. Husk or someone else wouldn’t be able to stop him from killing himself.

Alastor raised the holy knife to his arm. He was doing this. He never expected to take advice from Vox and Valentino, but they were right, he would end up killing himself anyway. It was inevitable. 

Alastor pressed the knife on his vein and cut along it.

The pain that followed was too much, and so was the blood.

He immediately dropped the knife. Half of the reason was because his work was done, he just had to wait. But the other half of the reason was because the pain was too much, and he couldn’t focus his energy on holding the knife. He wished there was a more painless way to go.

There was just so much blood leaking out of his arm. He knew this was going to be the end. Finally, he would be free. It’s not like anyone took him seriously anyway, it’s not like Angel would care, if he even found out, that is.

Maybe he should have prepared a suicide note in advance, but it was too late for that. If he tried to make one now he wouldn’t be able to focus due to the pain.

The deer demon waited for a while. Or was it a while? He couldn’t tell. He was shivering and his vision was a bit hazy. But then… 

Alastor heard a knock on the door. No. Not now.

He heard another knock. “Al! It’s Charlie!”’ The voice on the other side called out.

“I-I’m a little busy!” Alastor replied. It was clear as day that he was in pain due to the tone of his voice, and it sounded a little weaker.

“Are you okay?” Charlie asked. Alastor gave up responding, it didn’t matter in the end.

Alastor was shocked when he heard some quick shuffling outside of his room, and then the door opened. 

“Sorry Al, I have this key where I can-“ Charlie noticed the scene in front of her. “Al…?”

“I’m sorry… I need… I need…” Alastor toppled over, passing out from the blood loss. 

Charlie panicked, fuck! She immediately dropped down to the deer demon’s side and tried to feel his heartbeat. She almost sighed with relief when she felt it. Although it was weaker than normal. 

Charlie knew how much pain Alastor must have been in mentally to go through with this. After all, she had struggled with suicidal thoughts as well. But… She didn’t know what to do. She just grabbed a blanket off of Alastor’s bed and began applying pressure to the wound with it, hoping to slow down the bleeding at the very least.

“Someone… I- I need some help here!” Charlie called out. 

She suddenly saw two dark figures emerge in the doorway. It was Husk and Arackniss. 

“What the fuck do you-“ Husk began but saw Alastor’s state in front of him and went wide eyed along with Arackniss. “Did he-“ Husk was stopped.

“Yeah, he tried to kill himself. I… don’t know what to do.” Charlie had tears running down her face.

“I’ll go grab Niffty. She has a med kit, but I don’t know where it is, so…” Husk said. 

“Please hurry.” Charlie said before Husk nodded and took off. “And Arackniss, can you help apply pressure to the wound? I don’t know how much we need.” Charlie asked.

Arackniss nodded, “Yeah. Yeah of course.” He looked more determined than usual. He didn’t know the guy personally, but he knew his brother was at least formerly in love with him, so that counted for something.

Arackniss summoned his third pair of arms and began to apply pressure to the wound. It seemed to help it a lot, due to the extra sets.

Meanwhile, with Husk…

“Niffty! There you fucking are!” Husk yelled as soon as he spotted Niffty, but he also spotted Vaggie as well. “Oh, and you’re here too. Good, we need everyone.”

“Hm? What’s going on?” Niffty asked. 

“Yeah, it seems serious when you actually are looking for people instead of ignoring them. Although, you seem to be spending a lot of time with… Arackniss, was his name?” Vaggie said.

“Look, we have no time for… That.” Husk growled. “Alastor tried to kill himself, and we need your med kit, Niffty. Al is in his room passed out with Charlie and Arackniss there.”

The two girls' eyes widened. It took a moment to process this information, but they nodded, “Right! I’ll grab it!” Niffty exclaimed. She immediately dashed off.

“Right. And uh… Vaggie? Go help them. And if you see Molly, grab her too. I need to go out and find someone real quick. Someone important to Alastor.” Husk said.

“Wha-“ Vaggie paused. “Wait, you don’t mean…”

“Yeah, I’m grabbing Angel. That’s who you were about to say, right?” Husk said before Vaggie nodded.

“He’ll feel guilty.” Vaggie said.

“Good.” Husk immediately replied. “Now go help them.” Husk left, leaving Vaggie to go run up to Alastor’s room.

It took a while to get there, but this was the place Angel said he was always dropped off after he spent some time with a client. Now, Husk was unsure if Angel was with a client or not, but the odds were pretty likely.

Husk had to wait for a few minutes before he saw a car pull up and Angel walk out. Holy shit, he was right! Luckily he came at this time. 

“Ugh… That note was so weird. Val usually has perfect grammar. Plus, Val usually mentions when he’s going out a while before he does so. Ugh, I need to clear my head…” Angel sighed as the car drove off. Angel hadn’t spotted the feline demon yet, so he approached him. 

“You!” Husk yelled, immediately grabbing Husk’s attention.

“Husk…? What are you doing here?” Angel asked.

“I was looking for you.” Husk sighed.

“Look, I get me leaving the hotel must have been… Weird but-“ Angel was interrupted.

“That’s not what I’m here about! Alastor tried to kill himself!” Husk yelled. Angel’s eyes immediately widened. 

“What… Did you just say?” Angel asked. He put a hand over his own mouth.

“Alastor. Tried. To. Kill. Himself.” Husk growled.

“Fuck… Why did I listen to Vox and Val?” Angel sighed.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Husk asked. Did he hear that right? What did Vox and Valentino have to do with this?

“Vox and Valentino said that… Alastor would be happier if we broke up. That he could just focus on himself instead of a boyfriend.” Angel said.

“And you believed them!?” Husk asked. “They obviously just wanted to make Alastor suffer! You do realize Vox was the one who outed Alastor’s self harm to the world, right!? Didn’t you shoot him or something!?” Husk yelled.

“Look, just… I need time to think.” Angel sighed.

“What you need to do is come back to the hotel, and if Alastor makes it, talk your shit out with him!” Husk exclaimed. “Now come on!”

Angel just stood there for a moment, before nodding and heading back to the hotel with Husk. 

It took about 10 minutes to go to where the drug station Angel was dropped off at and the hotel, so overall, it took about 20 minutes to get Angel. Fuck, what if Alastor was already dead?

When they arrived at the hotel, no one was in sight. “He was in his room last time I checked…” Husk said. And when they went into Alastor’s room, Niffty was there cleaning up the blood stains in the carpet. Her eye immediately lit up when she saw Angel.

“Angel! You’re… You’re back!” She exclaimed before jumping up and giving him a hug. 

“Fuck yeah I am, but where’s Al?” Angel asked.

“He’s… He’s in the infirmary. You remember where that is?” Niffty asked.

Angel nodded, “Yeah, thanks!” So the two demons rushed to the infirmary, and low and behold, Alastor was there. He was still passed out, but he was alive. That was evident by the rise and fall of his chest.

“Oh Al… I’m-“ Tears began to fall down Angel’s face. “-I’m so, so sorry.”

Husk stared for a while at Alastor, and then to Angel. “Fuck… I’m too sober for this. I need something to drink.” Husk left the room, leaving Angel alone with an unconscious Alastor.

Angel walked closer to the radio demon. He must have caused Alastor a world of hurt… Didn’t he? Of course he did. He thought breaking up with him would be better in the long run, but he just made things worse.

“I’m so, so sorry Al. I never meant to hurt you… I love you so fucking much. I hated how I had to fuck all those guys… I just wanted to be in your arms again. I love you.” He sat down on the chair next to the bed Alastor was in. “I love you…”

Angel just sat next to Alastor and talked to the unconscious deer, even if he couldn’t reply. That went on for about 30 minutes until…

Angel saw Alastor shift a little, which made the spider’s eyes widen. He heard Alastor groan as he opened his eyes, but wasn’t looking at Angel.

“Al! You’re awake!” Angel immediately hugged the deer demon. 

“Ugh, and alive… Wait.” Alastor immediately recognized that voice and looked at the source. “Angel!?” 

“The one and only!” Angel said.

“No, go away.” Alastor tried to push Angel off of him, but he was too weak right now. You know, cause he just woke up from being unconscious. But Angel did release Alastor.

“Look, can we please talk about this…” Angel sighed. “I… Vox and Val made me think you would be better off if we broke up.”

Alastor’s eyes widened, “What?” 

Angel took a deep breath. “The day after our fight, Vox and Val approached me. I think someone was spying on us or some shit, cause they knew about it. Anyway, they said that I was just making you feel worse about yourself, and that breaking up with you would benefit your mental health. And they said they wouldn’t harass you, so…” Angel sighed. “I’m sorry, Al.”

Alastor’s eyes widened. That’s why Angel broke up with him? He wanted to… Help him?

“Well, they are wrong and liars. You made me feel better than I have ever felt before, and you being gone made me feel worse than I have for a long time. Not to mention, they harassed me earlier today. Told me to kill myself and that you broke up with me because I was asexual and too dependent on you and things like that.” The deer demon sighed.

“Oh, fuck Al… I’m so sorry. I just wanted to help ya. And I would never break up with you for either of those reasons. I love ya. I don’t think you are too dependent, and I don’t give a shit you are asexual, because I love ya more than words can describe.” Angel said.

“You… Still love me? Even after I was so cruel?” Alastor asked. 

“‘Course I do, Al. You were just reasonably upset.” Angel said.

“I… I think this may have been obvious, but I am still in love with you too.” Alastor replied.

Angel smiled, “So then, why don’t we fix things? Get back together? I can’t promise things will be perfect, but I can promise I’ll be the best boyfriend I can be. That is, if you’re ready of course.”

Alastor nodddd, “I’d love that… I miss being with you so much.”

“I missed ya too, Al.” Angel replied.

They leaned in for a kiss while they began to hold each other. Not wanting to let go in the slightest. They knew things would be tough, but they were together again, so they felt as though they can tackle whatever the world gives them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah. Angel and Al are back together. Yay :) Also sorry if the suicide attempt wasn’t entirely accurate I tried my best at research but there was only so much I could find. If you could find more than me, consider yourself lucky.


	13. After the attempt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few things happen the day after Alastor’s suicide attempt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! Sorry about the shorter chapter! I just wanted to get something out! And sorry for it updating in a while, I’ve been busy with school and stuff like that. But now that my school closed down for 6, probably more like 5 at this point, weeks, I have more time to write. Now enjoy my angst!

Angel suddenly woke up on something that was definitely not a bed. Well, his body was sitting in a chair, but his head was resting on the chest of a still very asleep Alastor. Wait, what…? 

Angel remembered what happened the other day. The whole thing with Alastor. Oh right, they were dating again. And they must have fallen asleep while spending their time together. Angel smiled. They were actually dating again! He couldn’t believe it! Even after Angel was so idiotic as to break up with Alastor because Vox and Val told him to.

He still couldn’t believe that… Alastor actually had tried to kill himself. He knew Alastor was suicidal, sure, and it was obvious he had tried to take his life before due to the rope burn on his neck, but still. It was hard to think about. 

Angel took his head off of the deer demon’s chest and sat straight up. He was going to make sure he helped Alastor even more than he did before. He needed to. He couldn’t let Alastor ever attempt suicide again. What if it would actually succeed if he tried again? He couldn’t risk that.

The spider demon needed to collect his things that were still at the studio. But that could come later. Besides, it’s not like Val knew he was back together with Al, so it would be easier. He would just have to play things off cool if he ran into Val when he was getting his stuff. 

Maybe he could go ahead and do that while Al was still sleeping. He got out of the chair that had been placed next to the bed and quietly left, careful not to disturb Al. He was going to have to check back into the hotel before anything, though. So his first order of business was finding Charlie. 

It didn’t take the spider demon long to find the princess, she was kinda just… Sitting on the chair in the lobby, rubbing her arms nervously and tugging at her sleeves, making sure they stay down. Now, Angel didn’t know if she had been there when he came in the hotel and he had been in such a panic and rush that he didn’t notice her, or if she moved there after he left the lobby. But whatever the case, she was there.

“Heya. I’m not surprised it didn’t take long to find ya.” Angel laughed as he approached Charlie, causing the other demon’s eyes to suddenly widen, looking at the spider in shock. 

“Angel? You’re… Back.” Charlie said. 

Angel nodded, “Yup. I’m back and here to stay.” The fluffy spider demon smiled, “Now is it possible for me to have my room back or…?”

Charlie quickly stood up. “Yes! Yes of course! Luckily, no one new checked in after you left.” She said awkwardly while heading up to the desk where all the key’s reside, and grabbed the key that had formerly belonged to Angel, and handed it to him.

“Thanks!” He grinned before tucking the keys away in his chest floof. “I uh… Really missed it 

here, ya know. I just thought it would be best if I left… I was so stupid.” The fluffy spider demon sighed, looking down.   
  


“Angel… I don’t entirely get what was happening or going through your head, but Alastor did really miss you… He loves you a lot.” Charlie said.

“I know, I know. I feel awful about what happened.” Angel Dust sighed. 

“I’m sure things will get better in due time.” Charlie sighed, “I hope…”

Angel nodded, “Well… I’m going to go get my things from the studio. I just hope I don’t run into Val. At least he doesn’t know I’m coming back to the hotel yet.” 

“Right…” Charlie sighed. “I’m going to check on Al.”

“He’s probably still asleep, at least he was last time I checked, but go ahead. I’ll be gone a while.” Angel said.

“Alright. See you soon.” Charlie said.

Angel Dust nodded, “Yeah, see ya!” 

And just like that, Angel Dust left the hotel. Charlie almost immediately went to the infirmary where Al is resting. Although she was unsure if Alastor would be awake, it would still give her some peace of mind to check up on him. Although when she arrived, Alastor was sitting on the side of the bed, looking down at the ground.

“Al….?” Charlie said.

Alastor immediately turned to Charlie after she spoke. Charlie didn’t know if he hadn’t noticed her before she said something, or had decided to ignore her. But whatever the case, he was facing her now.

“Ah… Hello Charlie.” Alastor said. It was hard for the deer demon to keep his smile up. He was only really comfortable with letting it down in front of Angel, even though everyone else knew how depressed he was. Although it might be a while until he let’s Angel see him frown, due to the fact they just got back together. Alastor needed a bit of time to open himself up again to the fluffy spider. Although, he was open about a lot of things now in general.

“How are you feeling?” Charlie asked.

Alastor tensed up, “As well as one could feel after…. Recent events.”

“So… Would that mean you aren’t feeling very well, or….?” Charlie asked.

“Yes.”

“Ah… I’m sorry things are so terrible right now.” Charlie said.

“It’s fine. I’m the one who did this to myself, after all. There’s no need to feel sorry for me.” The deer demon said.

Charlie approached the bed Alastor was on, pointing to the open space next to him. “Would you mind if I sat down here?” She asked.

“Not at all. Go ahead.” Alastor replied.

Charlie sat down next to Alastor while frowning “I just… Everyone’s worried about you.” 

Alastor paused for a second, before letting out a deep sigh. “Well, they shouldn’t be. I’m fine.”

“No you aren’t.” Charlie said. “You need help.”

“I meant  _ physically _ , even though I still need time to recover, but… You are right, Charlie. I do think I need some more help. Other than the help everyone has already been giving me. I don’t want to rely on all of you, and make you all feel like you have to keep an eye on me.” He sighed.

“Al… We are all happy to help, and it is really your call if you want to go beyond that help.” Charlie informed him. 

“Well, I think I do… If I can even find someone who could help me.” Alastor said.

“You're referring to a therapist, right?” Charlie asked, tugging her sleeve down a tad.

“Yes.” Al replied. “Some professional help might do me some good. Although I don’t know where I’d find one, they probably aren’t a common occurrence in hell, but I’m sure there has to be at least  _ one  _ therapist in hell.” 

“Yeah. We’ll help you find one, I promise.” Charlie said.

“Thank you. I really do mean it.” Alastor replied.

Charlie replied, “You’re welcome.”

“So, how is everyone else doing?” Alastor decided to ask.

“Great! I don’t think Molly or Arackniss know Angel is back yet. Or maybe they do, and just want to stay! I hope they stay, at least. Husk and Arackniss really are getting along!” Charlie exclaimed.

That caused Alastor to chuckle, “Arackniss is Angel’s brother, right? I mean, I don’t think I ever got the fellows name, but it is obvious that’s who you were talking about.”

“Yeah. Honestly I’m pretty sure Arackniss spent the whole time talking to Husk.” Charlie laughed.

“Well, they do seem to be similar, in both style and taste, at least from what I’ve heard of their conversation.” Alastor said.

“Yeah… Yeah they really are.” Charlie said.

Alastor decided to shift the topic back to the question, “So, what about the others?” 

“Well… Everyone was pretty sad and frustrated for a little while after the attempt, but everyone is pretty much just grateful you're okay now. While still being a little sad and frustrated at the same time… Look, the positive outweighs the negative, is what I’m trying to say.” Charlie informed him.

“...I see…” Alastor said. 

“Yeah. But you’re okay! So everything’s fine!” Charlie happily exclaimed.

“I… Guess so.” Alastor sighed. “If you don’t mind me asking, where’s Angel?”

“Oh, he left to go get his stuff. Why?” Charlie asked.

“Ah, I just wanted to know. I’m really happy he’s back. I missed him.” Alastor said.

“We all did.” Charlie replied.

“...I think things are going to be better from here.” Alastor said. “I’m normally not this positive about the future but… If I can get a therapist and am just able to live my afterlife with Angel without being bothered while helping out with the hotel, I think things will be decent, at the very least.”

Charlie smiled, “That’s the spirit! I’m… I’m sure things will only get better from here!”

  
  


“Yes, I’m sick of feeling awful. I want to just be positive for a little while, at the very least.” Alastor said.

Charlie nodded, “Mhm. It’s great that you’re trying to make a change.” 

”Yeah…” Alastor sighed, somehow keeping his smile up in the process, something he had gotten exceptionally good at. “All I need is to work on my mental health for a while.”

“Well… I’m just happy you’re taking initiative with your mental health.” Charlie said.

“I’m glad.” Alastor said. “Though it would be weird if you weren’t happy, wouldn’t it?”!

Charlie chuckled, “Yeah, yeah it would be.”

The demon princess got up from the bed, “Al, I would love to hang out more but… I have some business to attend to. Unless you want me to stay. I know Angel and no one else is here, so it might get lonely…”

“Ah, that’s fine. You just wanted to check up on me, yes?” Alastor asked.

Charlie slowly nodded, “Yeah, but I did enjoy talking to you!”

“Thank you, but it’s fine. You checked up on me, so you can do whatever you need to do, now.” Alastor said, “I can probably find something to entertain myself with. But if I was being 100% honest, Charlie, I think I’m just going to sleep.” Alastor said.

Charlie laughed, “Well, you go do that. You need some rest.”

“I will. Goodbye, Charlie.” Alastor said.

“Bye Al.” Charlie replied while waving. She left the infirmary, leaving Alastor all alone


	14. Things are going to get better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of talking and hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so fucking sorry I haven’t updated in a while. I’ve been seriously lacking motivation and I’ve been procrastinating a lot since this quarantine shit started. I’ll try to update more. Anyway, here’s this very short chapter.

“Shit. Fuck. Ouch.” Angel Dust mumbled as he entered the hotel. He looked pretty beaten up. It was safe to say, collecting his stuff from the studio, did NOT go well.

At least he got all the shit he needed. Including Fat Nuggets. He smiled as the little piglet oinked as they made their way back to the hotel. He wondered how Alastor was doing right now. Probably not very well. Maybe he should get Al something? Well, Angel was a mess right now, so he should just go back to the hotel and clean himself up.

Some of Val’s guards caught him packing up his shit and well, it didn’t end so smoothly. At least he managed to get the fuck out of there.

Angel sighed as he finally entered the hotel. The first thing he saw was Husk and Arackniss just… talking. There was a lot of laughing going on, and it really seemed like they were enjoying themselves. Angel looked at the two demons in shock, as he had not been informed that his siblings were visiting.

Arackniss spotted his younger brother. “Oh… Hey.” 

“Hey…” Angel awkwardly responded. “It’s uh… Been a while.” 

“It… Has.” Arackniss replied. The darker spider demon examined Angel Dust. “You look like shit.”

“Well, getting my stuff from the studio didn’t go as well as expected.” Angel let out an awkward laugh.

“Wow, I thought you were the most careful person in all of hell…” Arackniss said sarcastically.

“It’s nice to see you haven’t changed.” Angel sighed. “So, are you just at the hotel to flirt with Husk or…?” That sentence caused both Husk and Arackniss’ face to flare up. Husk was really just watching in silence until this point.

“He wasn’t-“ Husk started, but was interrupted.

“Sure. Whatever you say~” Angel laughed.

“Anthony, I came to this awful hotel with Molly to help patch your relationships up.” Arackniss sighed. “But, we probably don’t need to be here anymore now that you’re back. You can help yourself, after all.” 

Husk looked a little… Disappointed at those words, but he didn’t say anything about it.

“Do whatever you want.” Angel sighed. “I couldn’t care less if you stay or not. It’s not my decision to make. I’m probably gonna check if Molls is still around, though…. After I check on Al, of course.” 

Arackniss nodded, “Whatever…”

Angel Dust picked up Fat Nuggets as he went into the infirmary, noticing Alastor sitting up, reading a book. Alastor’s fluffy deer ears immediately perked up as soon as Angel entered the room.

“Angel! I’m so happy to see you!” Alastor exclaimed, closing his book.

“I’m happy to see ya too, smiles.” Angel chuckled. Alastor noticed how… Beat up, Angel looked.

“What happened?” Alastor asked Angel Dust. “Charlie had told me you went to get your stuff… I’m assuming that didn’t go as smoothly as intended.”

“Oh uh… Yeah. Shit happened. But eh, I’ll be fine now. Besides, I knew the risk. I had to get my stuff.” Angel looked at Fat Nuggets, who oinked in the spider demon’s arms. “And this little guy, of course.”

Alastor nodded. “Ah… Yes, that makes sense. But, it’s still concerning.”

Angel sat on the edge of the bed while also letting Fat Nuggets onto it. Fat Nuggets happily oinked and crawled into Alastor’s lap. Alastor pet the pig, a warm smile developing on his face. “Well, there’s a lot to be concerned about right now.” Angel sighed, looking Alastor in the eyes.

There was a moment of silence, before Alastor spoke up. “I told Charlie this already, but after I recover, I’m going to see if I can get a therapist.” Alastor informed Angel. “I… I just can’t keep on relying on you like this. I don’t want you to be the only person that commonly supports me, especially after what happened. I want to get professional help.” 

Angel nodded, “That’s good. I’m glad you want to take better care of your mental health. Therapists are hard to come by here in hell, but they do exist.”

“Yes… I know it will take a while to find a reliable one, but I certainly think it is possible.” Alastor replied.

“Yeah. I’m sure everyone will help ya find one.” Angel replied.

“Well, I hope so. Charlie already said she would, and I know you will. I don’t know so much about the others, though.” Alastor sighed.

“Eh, I know they’ll search too. Everyone wants to help you, after all. Even if some may pretend not to care about you.” The spider demon chuckled.

The deer demon nodded, “Well, I’ll take your word for it.” 

“You better.” Angel Dust laughed.

“Angel, I must say… I really missed you.” The deer demon sighed.

A small frown curled up onto the deer demon’s face. Angel was still feeling guilty about the whole thing. Guilty about his idiocy.

Guilty about Alastor trying to kill himself.

And Alastor’s words just now didn’t make him feel any better, especially since Angel was the one who broke up with him in the first place. Sure, he did so in order to protect and help Alastor, but it ended up having the opposite effect.

“I know…” Angel finally said. “But I promise ya, hun, I’m here to stay for good. I want to be here for ya no matter what.” 

Alastor looked at Angel with a sort of tired expression. “I’m… I’m glad you want to help, my dear. But… Just so you know, you don’t have to if it’s a bother. After all, I am getting a therapist soon.”

“Al.” Angel said. “Like I just said, I  _ want  _ to help. I’ve helped you before, and I can do it some more. I love you, and I’ll do anything to make ya even a little happier.” The spider demon replied. Angel knew not… All of his actions have made Alastor happier, but as long as he could help Alastor moving forward, that was enough.

The deer demon’s eyes lit up. Alastor’s eyes seemed to be filled with more hope than usual. A small, genuine smile emerged onto Alastor’s face.

“Well then… I suppose you can help me more if that’s what you want.” Alastor replied. Alastor’s hand slid over to Angel’s, intertwining their fingers.

Angel smiled as well.

It was pretty obvious judging by a lot of things, like Alastor wanting to get a therapist, but Angel decided to say it anyways. 

“Things are gonna get better for ya, Al. I can tell.”


	15. The nobody demon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor tries to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lived bitch.
> 
> Now new CaR chapter.

Alastor just stared at the ceiling of his room.

It was quiet tonight. 

He likes the quiet.

The deer demon was making a swift recovery from the… Prior incident. And while the blade was holy, he was still a demon, so it was a faster recovery then it would have been if he was human. 

But what happened before didn’t matter to Alastor now. He was far too tired of all the shit happening in his afterlife to want to do anything anymore. He just wanted to relax and be happy. 

Happiness probably isn’t going to come to him anytime soon, but he’ll make an attempt to get better. 

He would normally say ‘for Angel’ but no. Alastor knows he can’t rely on his boyfriend for his happiness anymore. That’s not healthy. No, he needs to get better for himself. And while he has a long way to go, Alastor knows he’ll get there.

Alastor has to start now, though. No more feeling sorry for himself. No more relying on others for his happiness, he just needs to keep his head straight.

Starting tomorrow, he’s going to be a whole new demon! When he smiles, he’ll mean it! When he laughs, he’ll actually be entertained! He’ll be like how he presented himself before, but way more genuine! Things may even go back to normal!

Well, mostly.

His reputation is still in the gutter because of Vox and Valentino. But why should he give a shit what they think?

…

Well, he’ll still always give a shit about what others think of him. He’s pretty sure everyone does. But, maybe he’ll be able to tone the insecurity down…?

Who is Alastor kidding, he’s probably not going to be like he pretended to be. He’s just trying to make himself feel better temporarily.

Well, it’s working, so might as well keep encouraging himself. Although he should probably get some sleep. Even if he hasn’t been able to sleep for the 4 hours he’s been in bed, he can at least keep trying? Isn’t that what he’s going on about inside his head?

Trying?

Maybe Alastor’s way too tired.

Huh, maybe thinking about casual things will help put his mind to rest? Okay let’s see…

A few weeks ago, Angel had told him things are not going to be this awful forever. What did he say exactly? ‘Things are gonna get better for ya, Al. I can tell.’ Yeah, something like that.

The days that followed were pretty relaxed, other than the brewing storm inside his head, of course. The others would visit him inside the infirmary, Angel stayed there almost 24/7 until he went back into his room. Although, there was one day where Angel wasn’t around, and his brother, Arackniss, came to visit.

_ “Oh, hello…. Arackniss, was it?” Alastor greeted as the darker and tinier spider walked inside the infirmary. _

_ “Yeah… Hey.” Arackniss sighed as he sat in a nearby chair. “How are you feeling?” _

_ “Ah, I’m still not in tip-top shape, but I am definitely healing. So I guess that’s good.” The deer demon replied. _

_ The small spider nodded, “Good, good… Anthony’s been worried sick ‘bout ya.”  _

_ “Anth- Oh, Angel.” Alastor chuckled, “I always forget that was his name. I always forget that most demons choose different names than the one they are born as, no matter how silly their demon name is!”  _

_ “... Are you trying to change the subject?” Arackniss asked. _

_ “What, me? Changing subjects? No.” Alastor replied. He wasn’t even trying to hide his blatant lie. He was just accepting whatever the dark spider would say next. _

_ “Huh, I didn’t know what to expect from ‘the feared radio demon,’ But it wasn’t this.” Arackniss sighed. _

_ The deer demon forced out a laugh. “Oh please, I’m not known as the feared radio demon anymore. More like… I don’t know… That one guy who people were scared of but turned out to be a depressed and suicidal nobody? Something like that.”  _

_ Arackniss didn’t say anything for a few seconds. “You know what? I’ll just call you Alastor.” _

_ “That seems like the best option, yes.” _

_ “Well, Alastor. I just wanted to see how you’re doing. You know, since you’re dating my brother.” Arackniss paused for a moment. “He really loves you. Don’t do anything rash again. He’d miss you.”  _

_ Alastor nodded, “Yeah, I won’t. I promise.” _

_ The tiny spider demon got up after he got that confirmation. “Well, since you said that you won’t, I’ll take your word for it.” He sighed. “I’ll see you around, Alastor.” Arackniss waved. _

_ “Goodbye Arackniss, I’ll see you around.” Arackniss nodded and began to leave, but before he fully left Alastor added “and good luck with Husker~” _

_ Alastor saw the tiny spider’s eyes quickly widen before he had his shadow shut the door on him. Hah. Comedy. _

That was an interesting day. Arackniss didn’t visit again after that, but when he eventually got well enough to go back to the comfort of his own room, he did see Arackniss around, along with Molly. Angel Dust mentioned something about how he was patching things up with his brother since he’s started hanging around the hotel, which was definitely good.

Although something… Not as good happened between his conversation with Arackniss and now. You see, it happened the day he was moving back to his room…

_ Alastor flopped onto his bed, wincing a bit, as his body was still a bit… Off from the attempt. “Ah, a nice and comfortable bed, how I missed you.” The deer demon chuckled. _

_ Charlie, who was keeping an eye on Alastor for the time being to make sure he was good enough to be back, awkwardly smiled. “Aw, come on, the infirmary bed wasn’t THAT bad.” _

_ “It was.” Alastor replied, monotone.  _

_ Charlie let out an awkward chuckle, “Well, at least you seem fine now. By the way, we uh, took all of the weapons from your room not long after you tried to kill yourself. Just… To make sure you stay safe.”  _

_ “Yeah, that’s understandable. But, I think things are going to get better from now on.” Alastor said, sitting up. _

_ “Yeah they are! Don’t worry, Al! Things will be better, just you wait!” She gave him a soft smile, before a notification dinged from her phone. She grabbed it and looked at the notification for a few seconds, before sighing. “Sorry, Al. I have to do something. I’ll check up on you later, ‘kay?”  _

_ “Sounds good to me!” Alastor exclaimed, “Now do… Whatever it is you need to do!” _

_ Charlie nodded, but as she left, Alastor- _

“Hey, you still awake?” Angel whispered as he opened up the door to Al’s room. He noticed Alastor’s eyes open, staring into space, so at least that answered his question.

Angel brought Alastor back into reality. “Oh… Yes, I am. Although I’ve been trying to sleep… I don’t think tonight’s my night, what do you need, my darling?” Alastor asked, sitting up.

“Er… You should probably come downstairs and see for yourself…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried something different with this chapter. Did it work? I'll find out once you all comment. Now, this chapter is short, but I wanted to get it out as soon as possible because of the hiatus. Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Who knows when the next one will come out, because I sure don't!


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